


Tell Me, If This Is Love

by ko_komaeda



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Coming Out, Dissociation, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Excessive Drinking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grey-aromantic character, M/M, Mild Smut, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Smoking, Violence, ace!kyungsoo, all the kaisoo is consensual tho, genderfluid!luhan, grey-aromantic!jongin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-03-05 06:58:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3110366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ko_komaeda/pseuds/ko_komaeda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim Jongin is in two minds about his ballet career; he loves to dance but recently it's been extremely hard to cope. He regularly visits the coffee shop around the corner from the studio, partially because the coffee is good, but also because of the cute barista. </p><p>Do Kyungsoo is dealing with some problems from his past and struggling with his identity. He's had this job at the local coffee shop for almost a year now but it's still hard to move on. However, he's noticed a particularly cute customer who gives great tips is looking more tired than usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Don't Even Know His Name

Kyungsoo's eyes fluttered open to see the sun casting light through the windows and onto his duvet. The patch where the sunlight hit was slightly warmer than the rest of his bed and his toes were poking out, what with his bedding being _slightly_ too short for him. He glanced up at the clock that was sitting on his bedside table, it read **6:58am**. _Yesss!_ He'd beat his alarm once again. He smiled to himself and shut his eyes, laying his head back on his pillow for the two final minutes of rest.

Once the clock struck **7:00am** , a loud beeping sounded and Kyungsoo reached his arm out to shut it off. Once his hand had collided with the snooze bar, he pulled back the duvet to allow his legs to get used to the morning air. It was slightly chilly (what with it nearing winter) and it made him want to curl back up, pull his blanket over himself again and just not go to work, but he knew that that wasn't an option. He had to go shopping soon and how could he buy himself essentials if he didn't have enough money? With a sigh, he forced himself out of bed and stood up, stretching his arms and yawning as he did. It got a little bit lonely in his small apartment as he wasn't used to living by himself. He'd had 2 roommates in his lifetime, Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol, and it felt kind of odd not waking up to the sound of somebody playing the guitar or to a pile of dirty clothes on the floor. 

After having a shower and putting on his work clothes, Kyungsoo grabbed an apple from his kitchen counter and took a bite of it as he pulled on his shoes. He was running slightly late due to having lost track of time in the shower. Once he was ready to go, he grabbed his coat from the hook and threw his apple core in the bin, before rushing down the stairs of his apartment building and into the cold, fresh air of the day. 

 

* * *

 

When he arrived at the coffee shop, he glanced at his watch to check the time. **7:51am**. Damn, he was 6 minutes late even though he'd almost slipped over on a semi-frozen puddle of ice because of his hurrying. He pushed open the door to the shop (the familiar sound of the bell ringing out) and recognised a face working at the counter.

"A little bit late Kyungsoo." The person smiled in Kyungsoo's direction as he rubbed at the countertop with a wet cloth.

"Hey Luhan." Kyungsoo smiled, walking over to the staff cloakroom to put his coat and bag away.

"Don't worry, I told Kris that you were in the bathroom 'cause you felt sick. He doesn't know you weren't here at 7:45." Luhan told him as he put away the cleaning rag and got down two mugs from the shelf.

"Thanks Luhan, what would I do without you." Kyungsoo laughed a little, tying the apron around his waist. He looked up at Luhan and studied him. No make-up, a little blue pin on his shirt and fairly masculine clothing. It was a guy day. 

"So... is there any particular reason you were late? You're usually on time." Luhan enquired as he put the kettle on and took to cleaning out one of the coffee pots. Kyungsoo thought back to this morning. Nothing in particular had happened, he'd just started thinking about his life and how things were going.

"Nah not really. Just lost track of time in the shower." Kyungsoo replied, writing that day's specials on the board.

"I get you, when it's this cold out I often want to stay inside and a hot shower doesn't help much." He said with a slight chuckle. 

The two continued with their work, exchanging comments about interesting things that were happening in their lives. The shop wasn't as busy today but that was probably because it was almost midday on a monday and most people were at work.

"So, how's it going with Sehun?" Kyungsoo asked as he put the carton of soy milk back in the fridge.

"It's going alright. He seems a little bit more distant lately, I'm not quite sure what's going on, he won't really talk to me about it." Luhan replied, a faint frown on his face.

"Oh? Have you asked him what's up?" Kyungsoo asked with a bit of concern.

"Yeah but all he wants to do is cuddle or have sex really. He never wants to talk about his life or how work is going. It's like, as soon as he comes home, I ask him how his day was and he always replies 'alright'. Every single time. I'm getting worried about him to be honest. It's like-" 

Luhan was cut off by the sound of a bell. Two gentlemen entered the shop and took a seat by the window, scanning the menu. Kyungsoo recognised one of them straight away but he couldn't quite place the other one. Luhan glanced at Kyungsoo with a smirk on his face.

"I see that handsome guy is here again." He said, switching on the kettle and grabbing a notepad and pen. "I'll go and take their orders so you can ogle him from afar some more." And with that Luhan was off to their table before Kyungsoo could even reply or defend himself. He had to admit, the customer was pretty handsome. He had a nice figure, a bit taller than kyungsoo, and his hair looked soft and dark. His gorgeous skin was more tanned than Kyungsoo's and he had faint dark circles under his eyes. His hands though, they were, as weird as it sounds, Kyunsoo's favourite. His fingers were long and slender while his palms were wide (though not too wide) and they looked like they could do _so many things -_ not in  _that_ way. Kyungsoo had never really had much of an interest in sex and it kinda grossed him out a bit if he had to be honest, but people kept telling him it was just because he hadn't tried it yet and that he would like it once he "gave it a go". At least, that's what Chanyeol had told him. 

Kyungsoo's thoughts were interrupted when Luhan made his way back to the counter, orders in hand, humming a catchy tune that Kyungsoo had heard on the radio. 

"Okay so it's gonna be one semi skimmed café latte and one black coffee. Oh, and a slice of carrrot cake." He told Kyungsoo, who then set to work making the drinks. As Luhan cut a slice of cake, he glanced over at Kyungsoo. 

"You okay? You seem a bit quiet."

"Yeah I'm fine, thanks. I was just thinking." Kyungsoo assured him with a smile. "So, are they like on a date, do you think?" 

"Hmm, I'm not sure. I got a fairly friendly vibe from them when I went over, didn't seem particularly romantic, but I guess it could be. Why?" Luhan responded.

"Oh no reason. I just rarely see that customer come in here with anyone else." Kyungsoo explained while pouring the hot, frothy milk into the cup of coffee.

Luhan smiled a little and brought over a tray and the slice of cake. "You sure that's why? And not because you're jealous?" He inquired. 

"What? No. I don't even know his name. I honestly could not care less about who he dates." Kyungsoo told him bluntly but still, the smile stayed. 

"Okay then." Luhan said before putting both the drinks and the slice of cake on the tray. "Then why don't you go and take this over to them?" 

With a small sigh Kyungsoo picked up the tray and headed over to where the two men were sat. As he neared them, he could overhear their conversation.

"What I'm saying is, she's hot and she likes you."

"Yeah but you know I'm not into her like that."

"I know but c'mon dude, she could-"

The two men halted their conversation as Kyungsoo arrived at the table. He put down both of the coffee cups and the cake, knowing to give the black coffee to the handsome stranger (it was his usual order) and the café latte to his friend. He gave them both a smile and a nod of the head before turning back and walking over to Luhan with a slightly faster pace than before. 

"So..." Luhan started. "He was totally checking you out." He finished with a grin.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. 

"No he wasn't, I could _see_ him. You're just imagining things." He told Luhan with a mildly irritated tone of voice.

"Um yes he was. _I_ could see him when _you_ were walking back. He was _totally_ checking you out."

"Well. I don't believe you." Kyungsoo replied, throwing one of the kitchen cloths over his shoulder and getting back to work.

"Whatever." Luhan mumbled, a smile still reminiscent in his voice. 

About half an hour later, the two men stood up, preparing themselves to leave. The shop had gotten a little busier, what with most people on their lunch breaks at this time, so Kyungsoo almost didn't notice them get up. His shift was almost over though and then he would be able to get paid, go buy his groceries and head home to the warmth of his apartment. Just as the two men were about to leave, the handsome customer decided to visit the counter first. He left a pretty hefty tip (as usual) and slid a napkin across the worktop to Kyungsoo. "Hey, uh, you gave me an extra napkin by mistake so here you go." He explained before giving Luhan a nod and turning back to his friend. The two left the shop as Kyungsoo watched, turning right and disappearing from sight. He looked down at the napkin he was given, about to put it away, when he noticed something scrawled on it in black pen. Squinting, he read the words.

 **'My name's Kim Jongin. Wanna hang out some time? You seem cool. Here's my number, call me.'**  

Kyungsoo's eyes widened. Was this real? Had this actually just happened? He tried to hide his smile but it wasn't working very well. Luhan handed drinks to the last people in the queue and turned to Kyungsoo.

"What are you so happy about?" He asked, looking down at the napkin too. His eyebrows raised and his mouth fell open a bit. "I told you! He likes you! He even gave you his number!" 

"That doesn't mean he _likes_ me. He just wants to hang out. Besides, I don't think I'm ready for another relationship anytime soon." Kyungsoo shrugged, putting some mugs away and keeping his hands busy. After Chanyeol, Kyungsoo didn't think it was likely he'd ever be ready for another relationship.

"Come on." Luhan said, folding his arms. "You think he's hot, don't deny it. If I weren't dating Sehun and a cute guy like him gave me his number, I would be ecstatic. Why do you seem so disinterested?"

"Because he didn't ask me out - he asked me to hang out with him. It's different. He could be dating that guy he came in with. And for the record, thinking somebody isn't ugly doesn't mean that you're compatible. For all I know he could be awful." 

"Well, at least call him and hang out then? Maybe you guys can become best friends." Luhan said with a slight chuckle. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes once more but gave Luhan a tiny smile nonetheless. Maybe they _could_ be friends.

About 15 minutes later Minseok arrived for his shift which meant that Kyungsoo could finally go home.

"Hey Luhan! What's up Kyungsoo?" Minseok asked with a broad smile. 

"He got a cute guy's number." Luhan interjected before Kyungsoo even had the chance to respond. Kyunsoo sighed and nodded.

"Yeah. I did. And Luhan won't shut up about it." He added, sending a glare Luhan's way. The other boy just chuckled in response. 

"Oh, nice." Minseok told Kyungsoo. "Anyway, I'll just go and grab an apron." And with that Minseok excused himself. 

Luhan stared at Kyungsoo as he took off his apron and put away the last few mugs. 

"Kyungsoo?"

"Yes Luhan?"

"Promise me you'll call him?" 

"Why?"

"So you can date him."

"Fine I'll call him. But I'm not going to date him."

"Okay then." 

Kyungsoo gave Luhan one last goodbye, popping his head into the storage cupboard to say goodbye to Minseok as well, before heading over to Kris' office for his pay check. 

 

* * *

 

"Why did you give him your number?" Taemin asked his friend as they walked along the pavement. They were headed back to the studio but since their lunch break wouldn't be over for another 20 minutes, they decided to walk with leisure. 

"I dunno. He was cute. I've been going to that shop for months now and he seems cool, so I thought we could hang out sometime." Jongin shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets to spare them from the cold nip of the air. 

"What do you mean by cute?"

"I mean cute. You know, like, I like his face. I like the way he acts. It's just cute, nothing more to it really." He answered while looking up at the clouds that were coming nearer. 

Taemin looked at him suspiciously but decided to drop it. 

"Okay fine. But can you please tell me why you won't give Hyoyeon a shot?" He practically begged. 

With a sigh Jongin replied "Because she wants to date me. And I don't date people." 

"But that's silly! How are you ever supposed to settle down if you won't give anyone a go?!" Taemin protested.

"Have you ever considered that I don't want to settle down with anyone?" Jongin retorted with a raised eyebrow. Taemin sighed and folded his arms, partially out of annoyance and partially because of the cold. 

"Okay but you could still sleep with her. Or do you have an issue with that too?" He inquired.

"I have less of an issue with that. But I don't want her to get the wrong idea and end up thinking that I _like_ her. Because that's just gonna end in a really awkward conversation and probably a slap directed at me." Jongin explained as he fumbled around for the cigarette packet in his coat pocket. "Aha!" He said, grasping the box and withdrawing it. 

"What the hell Jongin?" Taemin asked, stopping in his tracks. 

"What?"

"What do you mean what? You know what I mean." He said, voice stern. 

"...They help me relax." Jongin told him with another shrug of his shoulders. 

"They also kill your lungs! Don't you care about your dancing?" 

"I do but I get stressed out sometimes. I'm gonna quit soon, I swear." Jongin promised as he took a cigarette out of the pack and lit it.

"Fine. But if you don't quit I want you to know that I'm going to come to your house and personally get rid of every single cigarette. Just to give you a heads up."

At that Jongin laughed a little bit. "Sure." He smiled before inhaling and then exhaling a cloud of wispy, white smoke. He coughed a bit but chose to ignore the concerned looks Taemin was giving him. 

Eventually they reached the studio and parted ways. Jongin found an empty room that he could practise in alone. He headed over to the speaker and took out his phone so he could plug it in and play his dance music when he noticed a text notification. He tapped the notification with a stiff finger. 

**From:  Unknown Number **

** _Are you doing anything today? After I buy some stuff I have no other plans. - Do Kyungsoo (The guy you gave your number to)_ **

Jongin smiled to himself. He saved the number to his phone under 'Do Kyungsoo' before opening up a new message. 

**To: Do Kyungsoo**

** _Im free pretty much the whole day. My friend is having a party tonight, wanna come with me? ** _:^)_** Not as a date though. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression but Im not looking for a relationship. - Jongin_ **

He waited for a response whilst he set up the music and changed into his dance gear. He hoped that Kyungsoo hadn't go the wrong idea as so many people seemed to do. To be fair, if a stranger gives you their number it usually means they want to go on a date, so he could understand why they'd make the mistake. About half an hour later he heard the familiar 'ping' of his phone, alerting him of a new message. 

**From: Do Kyungsoo**

** _Sounds good. And don't worry, I'm not looking for a relationship either :) - Kyungsoo_ **

Jongin smiled again as he read the message. Nice to know they were on the same page. He was kind of excited now though, he hadn't really been looking forward to the party before (especially as Hyoyeon was going to be there) but now at least he would have some new company. 

**To:** **Do Kyungsoo**

**_Cool. Ill text you the details later. See you there. - Jongin_ **

**To:** **Do Kyungsoo**

_**Also, its smart-casual. So dress nice but not too nice. Talk to you later. - Jongin** _

And with that Jongin went back to practice, letting his body become one with the music. 


	2. I Might As Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo goes over to Jongin's apartment and the two head off to the party. Jongin introduces Kyungsoo to some of his friends before ~mysteriously~ vanishing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while to update! i made the bad decision to start writing this during my exams (mostly as a way to put off revision haha) so updates will be kinda random i think, but i'll do my best to be consistent :^) also warning for alcohol and some making out (?) in this chapter, and in general be wary of the warnings on the fic because i may forget to add the specific warnings before hand. thanks for reading!

Kyungsoo awoke to find himself curled up on the couch, his apartment dim. In a sleepy, confused daze, he glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. It was **7:37pm** and Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in panic as he fumbled around for his phone, hands getting tangled in the blanket that covered his legs. After he got back from shopping, he'd put his groceries on the kitchen counter and sat down on his sofa to text Jongin but had dozed off in the process. Once he’d found the phone, he quickly pulled up his text messages to see that Jongin had sent him 3. He took a deep breath and opened the first one, praying that he wasn’t already late for the party.

**From:  Jongin **

_**Cool. Ill text you the details later. See you there. - Jongin** _

He proceeded to open the second one and read it.

**From: Jongin**

_**Also, its smart-casual. So dress nice but not too nice. Talk to you later. - Jongin** _

Smart casual? Kyungsoo wasn’t sure he had any clothes that fit that category. He had an old suit that he hadn’t worn since his graduation but that would be too fancy anyway. Eh, it shouldn’t matter too much, he could probably get away with wearing just a nice shirt and a pair of trousers. He tapped on the third message, relieved to find it was only the details and that Jongin had requested he arrive at his apartment at 8:30pm, which gave Kyungsoo enough time to get ready.

He reached up above his head to stretch and closed his eyes. There was a feeling in the pit of his stomach and he couldn’t quite tell if it was good or bad. He felt excited, especially because he hadn’t really made many friends since he’d moved here and he barely hung out with them outside of work. But there was another feeling… dread, perhaps? He couldn’t quite put a finger on it. The only reason he'd agreed to go was because he didn't have anything better to do. If a potential friend invites you to a party, you might as well go.

All of a sudden, Kyungsoo’s phone buzzed and the screen illuminated, causing him to open an eye and look over at it. Luhan’s name was written clearly with a message below. Kyungsoo grabbed his phone and unlocked it so he could respond to his friends text.

**From: Luhan**

_**Have u messaged that guy yet? dont forget 2 keep me updated ;-)** _

He rolled his eyes and sighed.

**To: Luhan**

_**Yes I have messaged him, but it’s none of your business. He said he doesn’t want a relationship, and neither do I, so you can say goodbye to your weird fantasies :) - Kyungsoo** _

**From: Luhan**

_**Noooo :-( well at least take him up on his offer to hang out** _

**To:** **Luhan**

_**I might, we’ll see. Now go and help Minseok pack up the shop instead of slacking off - Kyungsoo** _

**From: Luhan**

_**Whatever :-p** _

Kyungsoo shook his head and sighed again, Luhan was so predictable. It was just like him to leave Minseok to close up the shop by himself. After checking the time again, Kyungsoo got up and wandered over to his wardrobe, trying to think of what outfit he could wear. His wardrobe was a library of neatly folded clothes, all sorted into colour order on a scale from darkest to lightest. He ran his eyes over the range of options but nothing particularly stood out. Smart-casual. Who would even have a dress code for their party? He sighed before picking out a simple white shirt, a dark blue jacket and a nice pair of dark, denim jeans.

He placed his outfit on a kitchen stool and went off to shower, feeling slightly anxious about the party. What if Jongin ditched him and he didn’t know anyone else there? What if people tried to talk to him and he messed up his words? He wasn’t the greatest in social situations, and though he did enjoy meeting new people to an extent, he preferred to be in large groups where people didn’t pay him much attention.

He stepped into the shower and twisted the knob 45 degrees to the left, the perfect temperature. The warm stream of water helped calm him down and made it easier for him to gather his thoughts. The party would be fun, it would be an opportunity to make new friends and have a good meal for once. Kyungsoo was good at cooking but he got a bit sick of tasting his own food and desperately craved the meals his mother had made for him back home. He missed home quite a lot, specifically his mum, but there were some bad memories that he'd much sooner forget.

After clambering out of his 2nd shower of the day, he couldn’t help but get distracted by his reflection. The steam on the mirror started to clear up and he looked at himself, analysing everything. He’d never really thought of himself as particularly handsome or ugly, more average than anything else. His skin was moderately paler than usual and there were slight dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep he’d been getting recently. It was hard to sleep continuously because his dreams would quickly turn to night terrors, or he’d be up late working.

Though his primary job was working at the coffee shop, he’d sometimes sing until late in bars with his friend Kim Jongdae for extra money. He didn’t see or hang out with Jongdae often though, the two met through Minseok actually. Kyungsoo had been singing to himself at the shop while cleaning the cups one day and didn’t notice Minseok walk in behind him. His co-worker had told him he had a great voice and that his friend was looking for someone to do duets with and Kyungsoo had done about 21 performances with Jongdae since (which provided him with a little extra pocket money).

He left the bathroom and pulled on some clean underwear before slipping into the tight jeans and shirt. He peered at his watch as he put his jacket on. **8:02pm**. According to the address Jongin had sent him, it would take about 25 minutes to get to his apartment if he walked quickly. Kyungsoo checked that everything in his home was how it should be and that he had his keys and phone with him before locking up his flat and setting off. His stomach was swirling and he felt a little bit sick, what if Jongin introduced him to his friends and they didn’t like him? He pushed the thoughts away and tried to calm himself down as he followed the directions in Jongin's text, the cold weather allowing him to see the small puffs of his breath in the evening air. 

 

* * *

 

Eventually Kyungsoo arrived at what he assumed must be the correct building. It was tall and dark and the street that surrounded it was bare besides from a few cars. He pressed the buzzer for Jongin’s apartment and waited. There was a few moments of silence before a small ‘click’ and the door swung open little. Kyungsoo tentatively opened the door, peering inside. He stepped through the doorway and walked towards the elevator at the end of the corridor, a sense of fear creeping in. The place seemed pretty fancy, there was a long mirror on the wall and a table with a vase full of red and white roses. He checked his hair in the mirror, making sure he looked decent enough. After fixing a couple of rogue strands, he entered the lift and selected the floor number, feeling a bit anxious. He’d seen Jongin nearly every week for months on end but this was the first time he’d be having an actual conversation with him. What if Jongin was secretly an axe murderer who was tempting him into his home so he could brutally murder him? Kyungsoo tried to put the image out of his head and laugh it off but a little bit of anxiety remained.

The elevator came to a halt and with a _‘ping’_ the doors opened. In front of him was a short and slightly narrow hallway with one, single door at the end of it. He took a breath and walked over, knocking on it cautiously. There were a few seconds of silence before a “Be there in a minute!” could be heard from the inside. A moment or two later and the door opened, revealing Kim Jongin in his party attire. He was wearing a two tone deep blue top, well fitted leather jacket and black jeans. Kyungsoo had to admit; he looked good.

“Hey! You look great.” Jongin greeted him, giving him a look up and down and a broad smile. “We sorta match.” With a small laugh, he gestured at Kyungsoo to come in. Kyungsoo set foot into Jongin’s apartment and looked around. It was stunning. The walls were a spotless white and pieces of gorgeous art hung from them, paintings of ballerinas, posing for a portrait or captured in the middle of a dance. There was a chandelier hanging from the ceiling which sparkled with light and everything was coordinated by colour. There was a smart set of black sofas, complemented by the dark-wood dining table and matching black chairs, and there were a few candles dotted about the place, mostly perched on the mantlepiece and coffee table. Everything was neat and ordered, the way Kyungsoo liked things to be, and the ceiling seemed to stretch upwards for miles. He noticed a black spiral staircase in the corner, leading upwards to where he assumed Jongin’s bedroom was.

“You like it?” Jongin asked him with a slight smirk evident in his voice.

“Uh, yeah. It’s amazing.” Kyungsoo replied, unaware that his mouth had been hanging slightly open until then.

“Thanks. A couple of my friends helped me with the decor, I’m not too good at it myself.” He explained as he headed over to another room. “D’you want a drink of anything before we leave?” He asked, opening a door to what Kyungsoo assumed must be the kitchen.

“Uh yeah, sure. Water would be fine, thanks.” He said with a polite smile.

“Water? You sure?” Jongin questioned with a raised eyebrow, probably assuming Kyungsoo would want something slightly more alcoholic. Kyungsoo gave him a nod and went back to admiring the apartment as soon as he’d left. He noticed a few picture frames on the mantlepiece and decided to go over and investigate. One of the picture frames contained a photograph of what seemed to be Jongin as a young teenager, holding a trophy with a huge grin on his face. He was dressed in a ballet uniform and was stood next to a girl in a tutu holding a trophy that looked exactly the same. Another photo was of him and a guy, about his age, standing next to each other on a sunny beach. They were both wearing sunglasses which made it a little harder to decipher who the other man was, but it didn’t take long for Kyungsoo to recognise him. He was the person Jongin was with in the coffee shop earlier.

“Having fun?” Kyungsoo heard Jongin's voice from behind him and spun ‘round quickly to look at the other.

“Oh, um sorry, I was just looking at your pictures.” He explained, diverting his eyes to the glass of water Jongin was holding.

“Don’t worry about it. The only problem is that I look like a total dork in that photo.” He stated, gesturing to the photo of him with the trophy. He carefully put the glass down on the coffee table, making sure not to let it spill onto the immaculate, ivory carpet.

“You look cute in it. What’s the trophy for?” Kyungsoo inquired.

“Oh, I do ballet. I’ve been doing it since I was about 8 or 9, after I saw The Nutcracker for the first time.”

“Seriously? That long? You must be really good then..” Kyungsoo said with mild amazement.

“I’m alright. A lot of other people have been in the industry much longer and have a lot more talent than I do. It can be quite difficult at times as well, but I love it anyway.” He told Kyungsoo, smiling faintly. “I also do other kinds of dance. Jazz, hip hop, popping, locking. That kind of stuff.”

“It sounds really cool. Maybe I could see you dance sometime?” Kyungsoo suggested.

“Sure.” Jongin told him. “Pick a time and you can come by the studio, it'd be nice to have a visitor for once. Now drink your damn water quickly so we can get going.”

His words were slightly harsh but it was obvious from his tone that he was just being playful. Kyungsoo drank his water as Jongin went upstairs and grabbed his car keys. He returned moments later.

“You ready?”

Kyungsoo responded with a smile and a nod and let Jongin take him down to the garage. Jongin’s car was black Lamborghini and Kyungsoo didn’t even want to _think_ about how much it cost. He was somewhat curious as to how Jongin could afford such a car but thought it would be rude to ask and decided to leave it instead.The car journey was quiet and slightly awkward but it wasn’t too bad overall, Kyungsoo liked studying the inside of it. There were some scratches on the dashboard and he noticed a couple of apple stickers stuck to the side pocket of his door. There was a small engraving on the door handle as well but it was too hard to read so Kyungsoo didn’t pay it much mind.

 

* * *

  

They arrived after driving for about 20 minutes and pulled up next to a very large house. “Woah...” Kyungsoo whispered under his breath as he tried to take it in. There were a few people talking on the steps outside the house, drinks in their hands, but Kyungsoo could see bright lights streaming from the windows. Jongin got out of the car and opened Kyungsoo’s door so he could step out into the cool atmosphere of the party and he followed Jongin up the steps, making sure not to interrupt the two people who were deep in conversation. The whole thing was pretty intimidating and he felt slightly overwhelmed if he was being honest. He wasn’t exactly wealthy and he felt like everybody who looked at him knew he didn’t belong there.

As soon as Jongin entered the party, he was bombarded with hugs and kisses. “Jongin!” A fairly tall and very pretty girl rushed over to him and gave him a hug.

“Hey Yoona.” Jongin replied, giving her a brief squeeze back. It was obvious by how she was walking and the way her words were slurring a little that she was a bit drunk.

“And who’s this cute fella?” She asked, gesturing towards Kyungsoo.

“Oh, this is my friend Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo meet Yoona, Yoona meet Kyungsoo.” He said bluntly, nodding between the two.

“Nice to meet you.” Kyungsoo said, holding his hand out to the girl.

“Ooh what a gentleman.” She giggled, shaking his hand. “Anyway, I need to go and find Seung Gi now, have a nice evening.” She purred, giving them both a wink as she rushed off.

“Well... She seemed nice.” Kyungsoo said, trying to be polite. Is that what all of Jongin’s friends were like? “So, do you want to go and get a drink? Maybe something that isn’t water?” Jongin asked. He could sense Kyungsoo’s wariness and decided to add “Only if you want, of course.”

“You know what? I might as well.” Kyungsoo decided. He hadn’t got out in a while and he wasn’t really bothered enough to buy alcohol out of his own pocket, so he may as well use this opportunity. Jongin smiled and took Kyungsoo over to the kitchen where all the food and beverages were. The house was humongous and Kyungsoo could easily imagine getting lost looking for the bathroom.

“So, who’s party is this?” He asked as Jongin poured them both drinks.

“This guy called Kim Heechul. He’s friends with some of my friends so he usually invites me to his parties. To be quite honest, I doubt he cares who comes anyway, he’s usually too drunk to notice.” Jongin explained to him with a small shrug. Kyungsoo nodded in understanding and took the drink that Jongin offered to him. He sipped it slowly, trying not to let his face contort at the bitter taste. It was nice… kind of. It wasn’t very sweet though and took a bit of getting used to.

“So, I want to know more about you. Why don’t we go and find somewhere quiet so we can actually talk?” Jongin suggested over the loud booming of the music that was being played in the large, main room.

“Sounds like fun.”

“Okay then, follow me.” Jongin said, taking Kyungsoo by the hand and pulling him through the crowd. There were butterflies in Kyungsoo’s stomach. He’d never been in a place with so many people and so much sound before and it was, to an extent, unsettling. There were a lot of people making out and even more talking very loudly so they could hear each other over the thumping of the sound system.

Kyungsoo’s pace came to a stop, however, when Jongin halted in the middle of the main room. Kyungsoo peered over Jongin’s shoulder to see if he could get a hold of what was happening, gripping his drink as though he were going to spill it. Jongin was talking to somebody. A girl to be exact. She was quite short and had long blonde hair that sat in waves on her shoulder and trickled down to her waist. She was pretty though, not as pretty as the girl before, but still very pretty. She had smokey eye makeup on and it complimented everything; her outfit, her face, her hair, and even the way she was looking at Jongin. At that moment, another party-goer bumped into Kyungsoo and he knocked into Jongin’s back. Jongin looked over his shoulder at Kyungsoo before ushering him to move in front. The girl quickly looked Kyungsoo up and down with the eyes of a hawk.

“Who’s he?” She asked with a semi-smile.

“A new friend. His name’s Do Kyungsoo, he works at the coffee shop near the studio.” Jongin took a sip of his drink, giving the girl a look as if to say ‘ _introduce yourself_ ’.

“Nice to meet you Kyungsoo, I’m Hyoyeon.” She said in a friendly enough tone, offering her hand out to him to shake. He shook it and cracked her a small smile.

Just as Kyungsoo was about to compliment her outfit, Hyoyeon spoke up.

“Oh! Jongin! Taeminnie is looking for you, he was looking around and asking people if you were here earlier.”

“Oh, well, do you know where he is now?” Jongin fidgeted with something in his pocket.

“Last time I saw him, he was in the music room with some girls. Probably dancing with them if anything.” Hyoyeon answered.

“Thanks Hyoyeon. Hey, Kyungsoo, follow me.” Jongin instructed, heading off to a door on the other side of the room. Kyungsoo obediently trailed after and soon the two were at the entrance of a large room containing a grand piano and a harp. Inside the room there were quite a lot of people but nowhere near as many as there were in the main hall. Jongin pulled Kyungsoo along and over to a guy who was currently chatting with three girls. “Taemin!” Jongin called out, causing the man to turn around. Kyungsoo recognised him fairly quickly, he was the guy that Jongin had been in the shop with earlier, also the one in the picture at the beach. Taemin’s face broke into a wide smile and he went in to hug Jongin.

“Jongin! You made it!” He said as he patted him on the back, the girls he’d been talking to looking obviously confused by the sudden interruption. Kyungsoo noticed Taemin look over at him and felt himself stand a bit straighter.

“Hey… aren’t you the guy who works at that coffee place?” Taemin asked, narrowing his eyes as if studying Kyungsoo’s features intently.

“Y-yeah, that’s me.” Kyungsoo answered. He could feel the nerves creeping up on him, he just knew that he didn’t fit in with this crowd and he desperately wanted people to like him.

“Cool. So lemme guess, Jongin invited you?” Taemin asked with a sly smirk. Kyungsoo nodded his head. “Has he tried to make any moves on you yet?” Taemin gave him a cheeky smile and a wink.

“Taemin.” Jongin warned, rolling his eyes a little, before looking around the room disinterestedly.

“Uh, no, he just invited me out 'cause I don’t have anything else to do.” Kyungsoo explained with an innocent smile. Just then an arm slung itself around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and he jumped in surprise.

“I see you found him then.” Came Hyoyeon’s voice. Kyungsoo could smell the alcohol on her breath and wrinkled his nose a tad. He didn’t have an issue with alcohol but he didn’t drink it often, he never had really. Back home, Chanyeol and Baekhyun used to drink it all the time and they’d always try to persuade him to have more but he didn’t really like the taste. Most of the time he only drank it because it wasn’t very fun being the only sober one in the room.

“Hey Hyoyeon!” Taemin shot her a cheesy grin. The girls Taemin had been talking to had left the group and made their way back to the main room, leaving Kyungsoo in a busy room with just Taemin, Hyoyeon and Jong- hang on, where was Jongin? Kyungsoo looked around but couldn’t see him anywhere. He hadn’t even noticed Jongin leave… Maybe he’d gone to get drinks?

“So Kyungsoo” Taemin began, running his tongue over his chapped lips before resuming his speech. “How did you and Jongin meet?”

Kyungsoo was slightly on edge now that Jongin wasn’t anywhere to be seen. “Well, I work at this coffee shop and he comes in very regularly. At least three times a week. I never really spoke to him much but he gave me his number when he came in earlier today-with you actually-and asked if I wanted to hang out.”

“Wait, so a random guy gave you his number and asked to hang out? And you agreed?” It was Hyoyeon’s turn to interrogate him now.

“Uh w-well yeah, I guess? I mean, I’ve seen him every week for almost 7 months now and I don’t have many friends so I just thought I might as well.” Kyungsoo clarified. As Taemin and Hyoyeon took turns asking him more questions, Kyungsoo prayed that Jongin would return soon. Where had he got to?

 

* * *

 

Jongin did the honours of locking the cupboard door as the girl behind him took her jacket off. Once the lock had been flipped, he spun around and grasped at the girls waist, pulling her in for a kiss. She took the top buttons of his shirt between her fingers and started to undo them, hungrily devouring his lips with her own. His tongue slipped into her mouth and he could hear her breathing become heavy. He moved his lips to the skin of her neck and began to suck at it, feeling her shudder and groan under his touch. After he was sure he'd left a mark, he moved his mouth back up to meet hers, drawing a gradual whimper from her. Her hands advanced towards his zipper but he stopped them and pulled away. “Wait” Jongin panted, pushing her hands off. “I don’t wanna bang you, I’m just looking for some fun. I mean no offence, you’re hot and all, but I’ve gotta get back to my friends soon.” He told her, regaining his breath. “Guys are all the same.” She said with a roll of her eyes before rejoining their lips and pulling him closer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not much happened in this chapter... hopefully I can develop it a bit more next time :^) I just find scene changes, etc. really hard haha. Again, im new to fic writing so go easy on me, but constructive criticism is cool. Also, apologies for the poorly written make out scene, i find anything lust related very hard to write. Anyway, until next time~


	3. Tell Me About Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongin and Kyungsoo have some Deep Meaningful Chats over wine. Taemin shouldn't be left without parental supervision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for alcohol, smoking, coming out & mentions of potential emotional abuse!

Jongin had been missing for a good 20 minutes at this point and Kyungsoo was starting to consider leaving. He’d had a feeling this would happen. There was no way Jongin actually wanted to be friends with him, he was a loser and Jongin was way out of his friendship league.

He was currently stood alongside Hyoyeon, watching with mild concern as Taemin participated in a beer drinking competition with some other guy they'd run into. The guy’s name was Jinki or something, he wasn't certain because the two hadn't been introduced, but he was pretty sure that's what Taemin had called him. Then again, it was hard to tell through the excited yelling and arm slapping. The man stood at a slightly taller height than Taemin and had a large grin that reached his eyes when he smiled. He was honestly, pretty cute.

"D'you think letting Taemin drink more beer is a good idea?" Kyungsoo inquired, looking up at Hyoyeon. She shrugged.

"Probably not, but there's no stopping him at this point." She replied as beer dribbled down Taemin’s chin and his hand went in for another bottle.   
  
Kyungsoo waited 5 minutes more before giving up with a sigh.

"Hey, uh, I think I'm gonna head out." He told Hyoyeon who gave him a slightly sympathetic smile.

"Okay, get home safely. I'll let Jongin know if he ever resurfaces." She told him with a nod goodbye. He gave her a half smile and pulled his jacket on. On his way out, which involved a lot of pushing through couples and mumbled ‘excuse me’s, he wondered if this had been Jongin’s intent the whole time. To bring him to the party and ditch him. He knew he’d been worried about it before, it wouldn’t be the first time he’d been ditched, but he’d assumed that Jongin wasn’t the type. Then again, he didn't _really_ know Jongin at all. It was gonna be awkward seeing him at work though, if he continued visiting the cafe that is.

As Kyungsoo neared the door, preparing to open it and leave quickly so that another pair of people making out could get in his way, he felt a hand grab his arm and turn him round. “What ar-” He started before looking up to see Jongin smiling at him.

“Hey why're you over here? Y-you weren’t about to leave, were you?” He asked, brows pointing upwards, a hint of disappointment in his tone. Kyungsoo took in his appearance. His hair looked almost the same as earlier but it was slightly disheveled and there were a couple of loose hairs sticking out here and there. His cheeks were flushed and his lips a tad swollen, and though he may have tried to hide it, it was fairly obvious what he’d been up to. Kyungsoo’s eye’s darted away as he grew a little flushed himself.

“Uh yeah, I, uh, wasn’t sure where you’d gotten to…” He explained, trailing off.

“Ah, yeah... I’m _really_ sorry about that, I bumped into somebody I knew and we uhm… caught up for a little bit. I honestly didn’t mean to leave for that long. I did leave you with Taemin and Hyoyeon though, I didn’t intend to leave you alone. I'm really sorry if you thought I ditched you or something.” He told Kyungsoo, sincerity in his voice.

“Don’t worry about it. I was hanging out with Taemin and Hyoyeon before, I just wasn’t sure you were coming back is all…” His hand moved up to scratch the back of his head as his gaze fell to the floor. There was a brief, awkard moment of silence before Jongin spoke up again. “How about I make it up to you? Why don’t we grab a couple of drinks and go find somewhere quiet to talk? One-on-one?” He suggested, eyebrows raised as he looked down at the other boy. Kyungsoo nodded with a faint smile.

“Sounds nice.” He agreed.

 

* * *

 

Once the two had settled on a bottle of wine, they left the main area of the party to find a quieter location. All they could manage was a small balcony off of one of the guest bedrooms. They’d tried the larger one attached to Heechul’s bedroom but the bedroom door had been locked and the last time it was open, a drunk Heechul had been spotted dressed in a full-on Asuka Soryu Langley cosplay, dragging Gunhee in after him. So that idea was quickly given up on.

Jongin locked the bedroom door so they wouldn’t be disturbed. He wouldn’t particularly care if anybody had come in, it was just to make sure that nobody decided to use the bedroom for _other things_ , leaving himself and Kyungsoo stranded on the balcony, able to see everything. Once the door had been locked, he strode over to the large sliding glass door that protected the pristine, marble balcony. He slid it open and stepped out, wine bottle in hand, and ushered for Kyungsoo to join him. They both stood on the terrace overlooking the scene in front of them while the crisp, autumn air nipped at their skin and caused Kyungsoo to shiver.

“You cold?” Jongin asked, tilting his head in Kyungsoo’s direction.

“A little.” He spoke in a small voice, not wanting to be an inconvenience.

“Wait here a second.” Jongin instructed before popping back into the bedroom. He returned a few moments later with a blanket in hand.

“Here, have this.” He grinned, holding it out for Kyungsoo, who took the item and draped it around his shoulders, already beginning to feel the warmth it offered.

“Thanks.” He smiled, gazing out into the night sky. The front lawn was littered with drunk people, some passed out on the grass, and the low thump of the music could still be heard over the distant buzz of the city traffic. It was calming, Kyungsoo thought. Helped him clear his mind as he looked into the dark. There weren’t really any stars out, you could rarely see them in the city sky, but it was still enjoyable. Kyungsoo was snapped out of his daze by the sound of Jongin closing the glass door behind them, setting down the two wine glasses on the tiny, glass table that stood at the far end of the balcony. There was a large, dark, wicker chair sat behind it which looked odd in contrast, it seemed to swallow the table up and make it look even smaller than it already was.

Jongin poured the wine into the two glasses and graciously handed one to Kyungsoo.

“So, Do Kyungsoo, tell me about yourself.” He smiled before leaning against the edge of the terrace, facing towards Kyungsoo as he sipped his drink.

“There’s not much to tell really. I live in a small apartment by myself. I work in a cafe, as you already know. I don’t have a particularly exciting life. I have a few friends, I guess.” He shrugged, taking a tentative sip of his wine. His nose wrinkled a microscopic amount but it didn’t taste half bad, just mildly bitter. “I guess I sing sometimes, with my friend Jongdae.” He said aloud, thoughtfully. Jongin raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“You sing?” He inquired, swirling his glass delicately between his fingers. Kyungsoo nodded.

“Yeah, not as much as I’d like to, but I perform occasionally. It’s sorta just a fun side hobby, y’know?” He detailed with a faint smile. He wished he could perform more often but he either didn’t have the time (too busy working shifts at the cafe) or Jongdae couldn’t make it, and there was no way in hell he was going on stage by himself.

“My life’s boring, tell me about yours.” He said to Jongin, taking the opportunity to taste his wine again. Jongin’s life must be a lot more interesting than his, considering he’d been invited to a party like this on a Monday evening. The last party Kyungsoo had been to was a while ago, and it hadn’t been very enjoyable. It had pretty much just consisted of Chanyeol forcing him to drink more than he wanted to and his friends pissing about with each other.

“Oh my life’s not particularly interesting…” Jongin looked down at the glass in his hand as he spoke, almost like he was trying to distract himself.

“Hmmm well, why don’t I ask you some questions?” Kyungsoo suggested, fairly sure Jongin was just being modest.

Jongin seemed to consider it momentarily before replying.

“Sure, why not.”

“Tell me about your dancing.” Kyungsoo smiled up at him. Jongin chuckled to himself before looking over at Kyungsoo with a soft tilt of his mouth.

“Well, my parents wanted me to learn piano and Taekwondo as a kid, but after I saw a performance of The Nutcracker, I was hooked. I was about 8 years old, but I still remember, it was just so unbelievable, y’know? That people could move their bodies like that, and with such emotion. It was incredible. That was the moment I knew I wanted to dance. Sounds really cheesy and cliche, I’m aware, but it’s true. It was like, like a calling or something, I dunno…” He shrugged, looking up at the sky again.

“Now I’m dancing as a career though, and it feels a bit… different, I guess? There’s a lot more pressure, a lot more competition. It’s not about doing what you want anymore, it’s about being the best, beating everyone else and being totally perfect at what you do. I’m kinda lucky my parents have money to be honest, it doesn’t pay all that much.” He explained, swishing the red beverage around in his glass again, and bringing it up to his lips. “But anyway, tell me, how’ve you ended up working in a random coffee shop near my studio?”

Kyungsoo looked up at Jongin’s face as he thought about his answer. The truth was, it was a _very_ long story.

“Well, I moved here not too long ago, about 9 or 10 months I think?” He started. “I uh, I wanted to get away from some… stuff. Back home. I don't know, I just felt like it wasn’t really the right kind of place for me. I always felt a little left out or like I was just wasting my time there, with no real independence. So I decided on a change of scenery, and moved out.” The alcohol was probably already having an effect on him since he rarely opened up this much to his close friends, let alone a guy he’d just met.

“Huh, seriously? What inspired you to move here?” Jongin questioned, placing his elbow on the edge of the balcony and resting his chin in the palm of his hand.

Kyungsoo shrugged.

“Not sure. It’s not too far from home but it’s far enough. I found a nice enough apartment with a fairly cheap rent, didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. I don’t make a huge amount from making coffee and bussing tables, but I have enough to get by. That’s why I also perform sometimes, if I need extra cash.”

Jongin nodded in understanding. “Well that’s… kind of admirable, to be honest. I mean, if I’m really in need of money, my parents give it to me. I don’t work as hard as I should and, really, I’m kinda spoiled. I’ve always admired people who work long hours or settle for a simple life. It seems peaceful. And it must be nice knowing people aren’t trying to get close to you for your money.” His voice was starting to sound wistful. There was a pause. “What was your hometown like? Your family?”

Kyungsoo tensed up a little. He took a mouthful of his wine and tried not to choke as he swallowed it down. “Uhm… Well, it was quite small. I knew most of the locals but I wasn’t, like, super close with anyone other than my friends. I didn’t really talk a lot so I only made a few friends, Joonmyun, Baekhyun and… Chanyeol. As for my family… I lived alone with my mother.” He nodded, trying to suppress the little bit of emotion that was starting to bubble up. He was really starting to feel the alcohol kick in (he’d never been able to stomach much of it).

“Oh, so no siblings or anything?” Kyungsoo could tell that Jongin was deliberately avoiding the topic of his father, probably just trying to be nice, but mentioning siblings was definitely not much better. Kyungsoo shook his head and looked down at his feet. He was beginning to feel just how cold the night time air was.

“I used to have a brother, Seungsoo, but uh… I- I don’t really wanna talk about it, actually.”

Jongins face fell.

“Kyungsoo I’m so- I’m really, really sorry, I didn’t know-” He began to apologise but Kyungsoo cut him off.

“Don’t worry it’s fine, no need to apologise, you didn’t bring it up on purpose.” He forced a small smile. He wanted to move on, he wanted to change the topic.

“So… are you and Taemin good friends then?” He inquired, peering up at Jongin to see if he’d sensed the very, very slight hint of jealousy in his voice. Jongin smiled. It seemed to fly over his head.

“Yeah, the best. I’ve known him since I was a kid, he’s a really good guy. He does keep trying to set me up with people though, which will never fail to be annoying.” Kyungsoo noticed Jongin’s hand move to his pocket and fumble about, like he was looking for something. “It’s like he can’t grasp that I’m not a relationship type of guy.” He sighed and pulled out a pack of marlboro cigarettes, flicking open the lid and taking out the first one in the row. “You don’t mind, do you?” Jongin checked with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it, my previous-uhm- previous partner used to smoke, so I’m used to it.” He said, stretching his fingers out and wiggling them around a little to warm them up.

“What was she like, then?” Jongin probed, which caused Kyungsoo’s cheeks to warm up. He hated this, he always hated this part. It was always an internal dialogue, going back and forth, begging him to choose between a lie or the truth. On the one hand, this would help him figure out whether Jongin would be worth keeping around, but on the other, Kyungsoo wasn’t sure he really liked the idea of Jongin not being around. He’d grown so accustomed to seeing him regularly, the thought was odd.

“Uhh w-well, _he_ was a guy for one.” Kyungsoo admitted and could feel his face turn a light shade of pink. He hated coming out more than anything. First he’d have to deal with the possibility of being in an unsafe position, then any homophobic comments or annoying, typical, straight-people responses ( _‘I just want you to know that it’s completely okay that you’re like this and I’m not going to hold it against you I’m fine with gays, my cousins best friend is gay, blah blah blah’_ ) and then he’d have to explain that he wasn’t gay, he just didn’t really think of gender as a factor of attraction. He respected gender, sure, but it was just never relevant whenever he had a crush on someone.

He hadn’t told many people, most of the time he was outed by his mum or Baekhyun, but he’d had to deal with a lot of stuff over the years. It just felt a lot easier to hide it and never bring it up. Plus it’s not like he’d be having a relationship with anyone soon anyway. Jongin’s eyebrows raised a tad and his eyes widened slightly in realisation as he blew a puff of smoke out of his nose. “Oh, sorry, my bad, what was he like?”

And it was over just like that. No big deal. No interrogation, no asking him when he knew he wasn’t ~normal~ or how much of a struggle it was. Nothing. It was a huge relief to be honest, now Kyungsoo could talk to Jongin without feeling like he was hiding something.

“Uh, h-he was… not great.” Kyungsoo sighed with a minescule hint of a shrug. He wasn’t a huge fan of talking about Chanyeol. Jongin frowned.

“Well that sucks, can I ask why?” Kyungsoo could sense a slight tone of apprehension in his voice, probably cautious about bringing up some bad memories. Kyungsoo looked down at his wine, brows furrowing a little. He really wasn’t close enough with Jongin but something- probably the alcohol- was encouraging him to talk.

“Well… I dunno, he just. He wasn’t very good at being a boyfriend, I guess? He just hung out with his best friend and ignored me most of the time, for one, and he was kinda rude to me. Like, he’d make me feel pretty shitty when I couldn’t do something and would constantly rag on my habits. I don’t really think he saw me as an equal.” He explained to Jongin, who seemed to be listening intently. It was oddly nice to have somebody to talk to about it. He’d always kept it sort of bottled up, Luhan was practically the only person he’d ever spoken to about his past before, and even then he’d definitely held a lot of stuff back.

“Shit, he sounds like a total ass.” Jongin muttered with a curl of his lip. He took what was left of the cigarette from his mouth and snuffed it out on the edge of the balcony, before flicking it off and down to the lawn below. Kyungsoo nodded. He paused for a moment before proceeding to ask a question that had been on his mind for a short while. “So, have you ever had a relationship? or have you always known you weren’t into them?”

Jongin tittered to himself and glanced at Kyungsoo from his peripheral.

“I always knew I wasn’t really into them, but yes, I have had relationships before.” He leant away from the edge and stood up straighter, stretching his arms and turning around to rest himself against the railing. He folded his arms, most likely due to the cool breeze that was progressively getting colder and colder. Kyungsoo cosied into his blanket.

“Those relationships didn’t turn out very well, if you couldn’t guess already. There was always just something that happened when I attempted one. I always knew that I didn’t really like the other person in _that_ way, but I just went along with it, and then it started to feel really awkward and I couldn’t stand being around them. The whole concept of romance and love and soul-mates has never really done anything for me, I’ve actually grown to hate it to an extent. It’s like, every movie, every story, every _ballet_ , everything seems to have romance in it. It’s inescapable. But I just don’t relate to it? I never have. I still remember being 15 at school and trying to understand why my best friend was so upset that his girlfriend had broken up with him. Mum thought I was sociopathic and tried to send me to a councillor, as though that would even change anything, but my dad just told her I hadn’t met ~the one~ yet and I'd understand when I was older. What a load of fucking bullshit.” There was a bitter taste to Jongin’s words and Kyungsoo felt sorry for him. He’d had to deal with similar stuff about his sex life and he knew how it felt.

“There was a time though.” Jongin began fiddling with his sleeve, looking up to the clouds this time. “There was this girl. I really liked her. I was fairly certain it was in a friendship way, but when she got a boyfriend, I couldn’t help but feel this overwhelming sense of jealousy. I tried to put my finger on the cause but I couldn’t really figure it out. I just really didn't like it when she was around him instead of me. It's _almost_ like I wanted to date her. I guess you could say that’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to romantic attraction.” He sighed, trailing his fingers up and down his arms. Kyungsoo said nothing but pulled the blanket from his shoulders and offered half of it to Jongin. He smiled at Kyungsoo and took the offer, wrapping one side around his body, basking in the warmth it (and Kyungsoo’s side) gave him.

 

* * *

An hour or so of talking later, the two had polished off 2 bottles of wine and were definitely ready to go home. Jongin aided Kyungsoo down the staircase so he wouldn’t trip and fall over. The house was looking a lot more empty now and a man was ushering young couples out of the door. Jongin grinned as his eyes fell to one of the party goers. He had shoulder length ginger hair, pretty facial features, a funny hat on his head and a glass of champagne in his hand.

“Hey Heechul!” Jongin called out, giving a wave of his hand. So _that_ was Heechul, Kyungsoo thought to himself. He hadn’t really known what he’d been expecting but going by what he’d been told about the man, it wasn’t particularly surprising. Heechul smiled at the two of them.

“Oh hey Jongin, long time, no see. Who’s this dashing fella?” He winked, gesturing to Kyungsoo. Jongin introduced the two of them and started up a conversation about what had happened to Gunhee and the Asuka cosplay.

“Yeah, so now Gunhee is diving around in the pool without goggles, looking for the wig.” Heechul shrugged. Kyungsoo’s mouth had fallen open a little during the story but he'd snapped it shut as soon as he'd noticed. The man who had been ushering people out trod over to them, exhaustion written all over his face.

“Hey Jongin, sorry to be a bother, but could you get going? I had a hard enough time getting Taemin out of here on two feet.” Jongin gave a hearty laugh at that and nodded.

“Sure thing Leeteuk.” He replied, taking Kyungsoo by the arm and helping him down the front steps. Kyungsoo hadn’t noticed before but Jongin had a really cute laugh. His eyes would crinkle up and his whole mouth would open up real wide. Usually he seemed sort of stoic and cold but it was obvious that after a few drinks, he’d started to open up.

“How are you getting home?” Jongin’s voice interrupted Kyungsoo’s thoughts. His brows furrowed and he bit his lip, signalling that he hadn’t a clue. “Don’t worry, I’m getting a cab, I can give you a lift. There’s no way it’s safe for either of us to drive like this and Heechul won’t mind me coming by to pick up my car tomorrow.” Jongin told him with a content look on his face.

“A-are you sure? I can pay you back for the cab fare if you want, I mean you’ll have to wait until next monday because that’s when I get pai-” Jongin smiled down at him with a glint of affection in his eye before shaking his head.

“Don’t worry Kyungsoo, it’s on me. I invited you anyway.” The two of them waited on the edge of the road beside one another for about 15 minutes before the cab pulled up. The journey home was a quiet one. Kyungsoo’s arm was pressed against Jongin’s as they sat in the back of the taxi together and he could feel the sleepiness starting to set in when his head lolled to the side and rested against Jongin’s shoulder. Once they arrived at his apartment, Jongin made sure that Kyungsoo got into the building safely before giving him a wave a driving off. Kyungsoo stumbled up the stairs to his apartment and managed to unlock the door (after 3 attempts). He kicked his shoes off and collapsed onto his bed with a goofy smile. He couldn’t wait to see Jongin again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.......it's been a while?? sorry about that! i started writing this during exams and ive been a bit busy and it's back to exam season now :// im also a bit stuck on how im gonna develop this but i have a few ideas, so hopefully it should go well. i think updates are gonna be a bit sporadic (as in you may get 2 in one week or none for 3 months) but im aiming to stick with the story until its complete! thanks for still reading if you are :0 
> 
> as always, kudos and comments are much appreciated! have a nice day!


	4. It's Been a While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo works. Jongin drops by. Luhan's a nosy ass.

 

Kyungsoo awoke to an annoying beeping near his ear. With a grimace, he swatted at his alarm clock until the harsh sound shut off. As he sat up, he was hit with the painful realisation that his head was throbbing and his throat was way too dry. Nonetheless, he remembered last nights events and smiled a small smile to himself. He wanted to think about it some more, the way he and Jongin spent hours just talking, but his headache was proving too much of a nuisance for him to cope with, so instead he pulled himself up and off of the bed and over to his kitchen.

He was still wearing last nights clothes and felt sweaty and unclean - this definitely called for a shower. After downing 3 glasses of water, he filled a fourth and headed to the bathroom. He then opened up one of the cupboards under the sink and grabbed a packet of paracetamol, tearing one open and carefully taking the pill between his forefingers. He placed it in his mouth and followed it down with a large gulp of water, praying that it’d help with the aching pains.

Once he was done showering, he got dressed and looked up at the clock. **7:23am**. He strolled back over to his kitchen and popped two slices of bread in the toaster before turning on the kettle. As he waited for his food, he sat at the breakfast bar and rested his face on his hand with a sigh. He didn’t really want to work today, but he needed the money and couldn’t afford another sick day off. At least his headache was clearing up now, the dull ache subsiding. Maybe Jongin would come by the cafe again. It’d been nice talking to him last night, even if Kyungsoo had spent the first part of the night by himself.

He was snapped out of his daydreaming by the bright ‘ping!’ of the toaster and the ‘click’ of the kettle going off at roughly the same time. He quickly coated his toast with a thin layer of butter and made himself a cup of tea, seating himself back at the breakfast bar.

By the time he had finished eating, it was **7:32am** , which left him with 13 minutes to get to work. If he ran a bit and speed-walked the rest, he could make it on time, no big deal. He grabbed his bag and slipped his shoes on with an inhuman swiftness, making sure to lock the door behind him (and checking 3 times). He raced down the stairs and set off on his journey to the cafe.

 

* * *

  

As Kyungsoo burst through the door of the coffee shop, he peered down at his watch. **7:45am**. He sighed with relief and wiped away the film of sweat from his forehead. As he looked up, his eyes met Luhan’s wide ones.

“Looks like somebody was in a rush. Have you ever considered leaving earlier?” Luhan suggested with a slight chuckle, continuing to wipe down the countertop.

Kyungsoo would’ve responded but he was way too out of breath, so instead went to hang up his things and put on an apron. As he returned to help, he looked the other up and down. There was no blue pin this time, but the outfit remained masculine, and his face was void of any makeup. Kyungsoo nodded to himself and set to work unstacking the dishwasher.

There weren’t many customers that morning, there rarely were on a Tuesday. A couple of people had been in and out, and a few had stopped by for takeaway, but other than that there wasn’t much else to do.

“So…” Luhan began, turning to face Kyungsoo and resting himself against the counter. “What happened with that hot guy yesterday? You said you messaged him?” He asked, a curious lilt to his voice.

“Yeah I did. He invited me to a party and I went.” Kyungsoo shrugged but he was secretly a little bit proud. Just a little. Luhan’s eyes widened.

“He invited you to a party? On a monday? And you went?!”

“That’s what I just said, yes.”

Kyungsoo was a bit taken aback when Luhan hit him on the arm repeatedly with a squeak of excitement.

“You should be more careful! What if he was an axe murderer or something? But cautionary tales aside, tell. Me. Everything. I demand to know!”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes but agreed to divulge yesterday’s events.

“Woah… Do you think you’ll hang out with him again?” Luhan asked just as he finished telling his story. Kyungsoo thought to himself and jutted out his bottom lip a little.

“I’m not sure, depends if he wants to hang out I guess?” He scratched at the back of his head, now a little curious as to whether or not he _would_ hang out with Jongin again. It had been really enjoyable, and it was nice having a different person to talk to, one who was genuinely interested in his life. The bell rang out as another customer entered the shop and the two hastily went back to work.

 

* * *

 

It was nearing lunchtime and Kyungsoo knew he’d be off work soon. Minseok took over his shift just after lunch on Tuesdays, which gave Kyungsoo an entire afternoon to himself. In fact, Minseok had offered to take over any of Kyungsoo’s shifts if he was unable to come in, and Kyungsoo had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with Luhan. You’d have have to be completely oblivious to not notice that Minseok seemed to like Luhan _a lot_. Then again, Luhan didn’t seem to notice, so he was pretty oblivious himself.

The bell at the door went off again and Kyungsoo’s stomach did an excited flip as he looked up to see if Jongin had dropped by, but all he saw was Minseok strolling through the entrance with his headphones on and a bag marked with a pastry brand in hand.

“Hey Minseok.” Kyungsoo nodded as the other man paused his music and removed the headphones.

“‘Sup guys?” He smiled, dumping the bag of pastries on a table as he took his coat off.

“You’re kinda early, aren’t you? Soo isn’t off for another half hour.” Luhan pointed out.

“Oh well I was nearby and thought I might as well come early and hang out, better than being late.” Minseok explained.

“Hey Kyungsoo, maybe you should take a page from baozi’s book.” Luhan jeered playfully with a smirk. Kyungsoo elbowed Luhan lightly with a faint curl of his lip.

Minseok laughed loudly. “He was late _again_?” Luhan nodded in confirmation, a broad smile on his face. Luhan and Minseok continued to chat for a bit while Kyungsoo tidied. He’d occasionally pop in a sentence or two but he wasn’t really in the mood for talking much.

 

Soon enough, the bell rang again and Kyungsoo looked up faster than he’d like to admit. However, it was just Sehun. He strode over to the counter with a grin on his face. Luhan looked up and beamed.

“Hey gorgeous” Sehun chuckled, bending over the counter to give Luhan a quick peck on the lips.

“Hey” Luhan smiled back. Kyungsoo coughed awkwardly, snapping the two out of their lovey-dovey haze. “Oh, uh yeah, sorry! Sehun, you know Kyungsoo, and this is Minseok.” Luhan introduced his friend with a vague gesture. Sehun gave Minseok a wide smile and extended his hand.

“Nice to meet you Minseok, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Sehun told him, glancing at Luhan. “Shut up!” Luhan protested, gently hitting Sehun’s arm. Minseok laughed and shook Sehun’s hand.

“Nice to meet you too. I was actually wondering when I’d meet you, Lu doesn’t shut up about you.”

“Is that so?” Sehun turned back to look at Luhan who was now a blushing mess.

“Both of you shut up.” Luhan murmured, looking down at the floor as his cheeks grew even redder. Kyungsoo was about to interject and say something about how Luhan would not stop praising Sehun’s arms when the front door swung open.

Kyungsoo looked up and smiled as he saw Jongin walk into the shop tapping at something on the screen of his phone. His stomach felt funny, like it was fluttering about, probably because he was happy to see Jongin. He didn’t really know why he felt excited about it, it’s not like he hadn’t seen Jongin nearly every single day for months now, it was just new and fun having somebody other than Luhan and Minseok to hang out with. Jongin looked up and his smile was met with Kyungsoo’s.

“Hey!” Kyungsoo beamed up at him, something he rarely did.

“Jongin?”  

Kyungsoo recognised the voice as Sehun’s and frowned - how did Sehun know Jongin? Jongin looked to his left in surprise before his brows furrowed and eyes narrowed.

“Sehun?” He asked quizzically, a puzzled expression gracing his face. Sehun broke into a wide smile and nodded.

“Yeah it’s me, woah dude I haven’t seen you in ages, how’ve you been?” Sehun held his arms open and Jongin rewarded him with a hug. Kyungsoo and Luhan exchanged a confused look.

“So… you two know each other?” Luhan gave the two a raised eyebrow. Jongin nodded. “Yeah, we used to go to highschool together.” He smiled, the corners of his eyes wrinkling in the way that Kyungsoo thought was really cute. Sehun threw an arm around Jongin’s shoulders.

“We used to be on the dance team together, but nini here was always better than me.” Sehun explained. Luhan tried his best to suppress his laughter but didn’t manage to do a very good job. “Y-you were on the dance team? And you never told me this, why?”

Sehun rolled his eyes. “Because I knew how you’d react.” He reached out an arm and tapped Luhan’s nose with his finger. Jongin’s eyes travelled to Minseok who was stood there idly watching the exchange going on in front of him.

“Oh! Yes! Uh, Jongin, meet Minseok. Minseok, Jongin.” Kyungsoo flapped his hand about between the two as they shook hands.

“Nice to meet you Jongin.” Minseok gave him a toothy smile and Jongin nodded before turning to Kyungsoo.

“I was wondering, if you had any free time, whether you wanted to hang out this afternoon maybe?” He asked with a hopeful smile.

“Sure!” Kyungsoo answered a little too quickly and with a bit too much vigour but thankfully the others didn’t seem to notice. “I’ve got to wait until works over but yeah, that sounds nice.” He added, a very faint shade of pink dusting his cheek.

“Cool.”

The two looked at each other in an awkward silence.

“Sorry Kyungsoo, as much as I hate to interrupt the _thing_ going on here, you’re shift is over _now_. You’re free to go.” Minseok nodded over to the door and held his hand out to take Kyungsoo’s apron.

“Ah, you’re right!” Kyungsoo noticed the wall clock, he turned to Jongin “just wait here, I won’t be a minute.” He dumped his apron in Minseok’s hands and pushed past him to grab his coat and bag. He noticed Jongin subtly try to slip some money into the tip box. He always tipped way too much, which was probably why Luhan seemed so fond of him, honestly. Once he was ready to leave, he joined Jongin, who was now deep in conversation with Sehun. An awkward cough later and they both looked up.

Just as Kyungsoo and Jongin were leaving, Jongin called out to the others. “Nice to meet you Luhan and Minseok, and Sehun, contact me! We should catch up!”

And with that, they were gone.

 

“So...were you and Sehun close, then?” Kyungsoo asked, hands buried in his pockets. He could feel the air begin to grow colder, soon he’d have to start wearing more layers. Jongin seemed to pause and think before nodding.

“I wouldn’t say we were super close or anything, but we hung out a lot. I lost contact with him once school ended, I got out of there as fast as I could.” He shrugged. The two walked together to a nearby park, exchanging small talk along the way.

“Thanks by the way. For inviting me to that party. It was fun.” Kyungsoo admitted, looking down at the ground so as to avoid eye contact.

Jongin chuckled. “No problem, it was less boring with you there. I don’t know about you, but I was sorta planning to try and hang out with you a lot more.” At this Kyungsoo couldn’t help but blush. He knew the offer wasn’t romantic or flirtatious, that much was obvious, but it made him happy and genuinely a little surprised that somebody would want to hang out with him. “That sounds nice.” He confirmed, smiling up at Jongin, who smiled back. The two walked side by side until they reached a small bench in front of the duckpond. Not many of the ducks were out, but it was quite cold to be fair. Jongin sat first and Kyungsoo followed, not really sure what to talk about. Before Kyungsoo could even think of something to say, Jongin turned to him. “So, what shows do you watch?”

 

* * *

 

“Nice to see you early for once, Soo.” Luhan called out from the position behind the counter. Kyungsoo responded with a sarcastic “Haha” and went about hanging up his stuff and changing into his apron. He peered through the doorway to get a glimpse of what Luhan was wearing; knee shorts and a loose-fitting pink shirt. Kyungsoo also noticed some eyeliner, mascara and slightly shimmery eyeshadow as well. He went over and joined her as she scrubbed at the worktop, probably trying to remove all of the coffee stains. Kyungsoo had gotten used to Luhan’s gender fluctuations pretty quickly. It was usually fairly easy to tell - presentation was key. And if he really couldn’t figure it out, he would just ask, and Luhan would tell him. It was a reasonably neat system and Kyungsoo always tried his best to be as supportive as he could.

“Sooo…” Luhan began, tucking a curl of her hair behind her ear. “How was hanging out with Jongin last night?”

It had been a while since Kyungsoo and Jongin had properly started hanging out, approximately 1 month and a half, and as they grew closer, they could barely handle not being around each other. Jongin was busy quite a lot but they always made sure to find enough time to see each other twice a week. Jongin had been to a couple of Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s performances and Kyungsoo had dropped by Jongin’s studio one time to watch him teach a hip hop dance class to some kids. Turns out, the two had quite a lot in common. _Especially_ when it came to TV shows.

They’d end up staying awake until 2am watching shows together, occasionally falling asleep on the sofa. Luhan was persuaded there was something else going on because “how could you fall asleep next to Kim Jongin and not do anything about it?!”, but Kyungsoo was comfortable in their friendship. It was nice, having somebody he could talk to freely without constantly worrying about embarrassing himself. After he’d realised that Jongin himself was actually quite dorky, it became a lot easier to open up around him. They talked about their past (though not quite everything) and their future plans, and ordered takeout while prank calling Taemin for the 3rd time that night (he always fell for it?).

“It was fun. We finished marathoning that crime show, ‘You’re All Surrounded’, and I was alright by the end of it but Jongin bawled his eyes out.” Kyungsoo explained with a chuckle. Luhan grinned and cooed.

“Aww that sounds adorable, I wish Sehun and I would stay up watching shows together.”

Luhan had still been having problems with Sehun, and by the sounds of it, it was something neither of them could put their finger on. She just described it as feeling as though something was missing.

 

The two of them worked all day, the shop only getting busy around lunchtime, and soon enough Kyungsoo was free to go home. He trecked through the snowy streets, trying his best not to let his shoes get soaked. Winter had come quite suddenly and in its tracks it had left a snow storm. He sent Jongin a quick text to let him know what time his shift ended tomorrow before skipping the rest of the way. He got back to his apartment and all but collapsed on the couch, giving a yawn and a stretch. He really needed to stop staying up so late with Jongin or soon he’d be falling asleep at work.

He heard his phone buzz on the kitchen worktop and smiled, before bouncing over to see what Jongin had said. He grabbed his phone and opened his inbox, only to see **(1) new message** from an unknown number. His brows knitted together as he opened it, not quite sure what to expect (probably just some junk mail about health insurance). He couldn’t have ever prepared himself. He stared down blankly at the phone in his hand, the faint glow of the screen illuminating the dread that was settling his face.

**Hey Kyungsoo, its been a while :) you really thought I wouldnt find you? - Chanyeol xx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not much happened this chapter!! it was kinda boring and i dont really like how i wrote it so it turned out pretty short, but oh well, the plot needs to move on! hopefully now that my exams are out the way i will be able to update faster :^) i procrastinate A LOT though, so we'll see....


	5. I Miss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo gets a visit from his past and Jongin doesn't actually like coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **trigger warning: drug use, emotional abuse and potentially stalking?**
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> heyyy its been a while haha ha ha ha  
> sorry this took so long, ive been having a lot of "writers block" i guess you could say, so i put off writing this chapter loads. i still dont like it, at all, but i feel like i cant put off posting it any longer cause its been over a month sooo

Kyungsoo stared down at the phone in his, now shaking, hands. How the fuck had Chanyeol got his number!? Did he know where he was? Kyungsoo had never even imagined Chanyeol would want to see him again let alone track him down. He’d meant pretty much nothing to Chanyeol, that much had been evident, so why was he now looking down at a message from his ex?

He was snapped out of his daze by the sound of his phone hitting the floor. He jumped and quickly scrambled to get it, making sure the screen wasn’t damaged. It was fine but he wasn’t so sure he was. Maybe he needed to sit down for a moment. He all but collapsed onto one of his dining room chairs, holding his head in both hands. Chanyeol had pretty much ruined his life back home and he was one of the reasons Kyungsoo had left in the first place. He couldn’t be back, he couldn’t. Kyungsoo could feel his mind going numb, it felt as though his body was dissolving. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. Chanyeol wouldn’t want him back. Why would he bother texting him? Had something happened with Baekhyun? What possible reason could he have for contacting him? He was stupid to think he could ever be free of his past, his boring and quite miserable past. This was supposed to be a new start with new friends and people who actually cared about him. And now Chanyeol was going to ruin it all over again.

After about 20 minutes of panicking and trying to regulate his breathing, he thought it’d be best to call someone. He considered Jongin but decided against it - he didn’t want to freak him out and besides, Jongin didn’t know much about Chanyeol. He grabbed his phone and dialed Luhan’s number, putting the phone to his ear and gnawing at his lips. It rang three times before Luhan finally picked up.

“Kyungsoo?”

“Luhan, something bad happened. I need- fuck, I need to talk to somebody before I do something stupid or I-”

“Shit, is everything okay? Are you hurt or something?”

“No I’m not hurt, don’t worry, but I’m not okay. Can I come round?”

“Yeah sure, Sehun’s out, will be all evening. So feel free to stay as long as you want.”

Kyungsoo smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, you’re the best.”

 

* * *

  

Soon enough he was at Luhan’s apartment, sat on the couch as his friend got him a glass of water. Luhan returned and sat next to Kyungsoo.

“So tell me from the start, what happened?”

“I… Well I got home from hanging out with Jongin and somebody texted me an-and I thought it was Jongin or you or something so I went to check m-my phone and it was Chanyeol.” Luhan visibly tensed at this, his whole body going stiff. “Shit...” he muttered under his breath. “What did he want?”

Kyungsoo looked down at his hands. “He didn’t say. He just asked whether I really thought he wouldn’t find me.” Kyungsoo brought his hands up to cup his face, massaging his temples with his forefingers. “What do I do? Should I reply? I’m scared he’ll find my address. Fuck, I thought I’d left him behind. I thought he didn’t even care about me.” Luhan put a hand on Kyungsoo’s knee and rubbed it gently.

“You’ve never gone too far into why you hate Chanyeol, so I’m not really sure what to tell you. How bad is he?”

Kyungsoo chuckled at that, a bitter laugh bubbling up in his throat and spilling out his mouth. “He’s pretty bad. I don’t even think he knows it. He… We dated, as you know, and he um, forced me into a lot of things I didn’t wanna do. It fucked me up a little bit.” Kyungsoo explained. “One time I was hanging out with him and Baekhyun and they thought it’d be fun to take LSD. I didn’t want to because…” Kyungsoo trailed off and his eyes glazed over.

“Because?” Luhan inquired, urging him to finish his sentence. He blinked his eyes and shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter. Point is, I didn’t want to, but Chanyeol forced me to. He said he’d leave me if I didn’t, because I was such a boring boyfriend, and said he'd turn Baekhyun against me as well. I didn’t have anybody else but them. Joonmyun had gone to Canada and I was so scared of being alone so I just did it. I don’t really remember it very well, just that I had a pretty bad trip and was absolutely terrified to do anything for 3 days after. Naturally, my mother found out and she was pissed. Like  _really_  pissed. She kicked me out the house for about 3 weeks before she let me back. I stayed with Chanyeol and I hated it, he just honestly doesn’t care about anybody but himself. He uses people for his own gain and then throws them away. Chanyeol pulled a lot of shit while I was with him but I’ll never forgive him for that.”

This was by far the most Kyungsoo had ever opened up about his relationship with Chanyeol. It felt weird, but good, to talk about it. He’d kept so much bottled up inside since then, it was pretty safe to say that Chanyeol, and Baekhyun, had given him trust issues. He hadn’t talked about it with Jongin since the party, far too scared to tell the other any more about it. He didn’t want Jongin to think of him as weak or cowardly for not being able to stand up to Chanyeol. He also didn’t particularly want to revisit the the memory but that plan seemed to be down the drain now.

Luhan put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed comforting circles into it with his thumb. “I’m so sorry Soo, that sounds awful. He sounds awful.”

Kyungsoo nodded with a sigh. “Yeah. He was. Selfish prick.” He curled in on himself and his breathing fell in time with the motion of Luhan’s thumb. Suddenly Kyungsoo’s phone vibrated again. He stiffened visibly and felt his brain begin to go numb. Luhan looked at him with a worried expression before grabbing Kyungsoo’s phone from the coffee table, peering down at the screen. “Don’t worry Soo, it’s only Jongin.”

At this Kyungsoo relaxed slightly, feeling relieved, but still on edge. “What did he say?” He asked, head buried in his arms.

“He just wants to know if you want to meet up tomorrow?” Luhan told him with a smirk. He nudged Kyungsoo, probably trying to lighten the mood. “Whaddya say? Wanna go on a date with Jongin?” He asked in a singsong voice. Kyungsoo cracked a half smile as he looked up at Luhan.

“Sure, but it’s not a date. We’re not like that.” He answered, tilting his head to side, eyes darting around the room. Luhan chuckled and typed a reply to Jongin.

“I still don’t get that. He’s hot as fuck, why wouldn’t you go for it?”

“He’s not actually hot as fuck. I know it seems like that but the dude cries at every sad film we watch and squeals when you tickle him. It’s adorable. The whole mysterious, brooding thing is mostly a facade. The nerd just wants people to think he’s cool.” Kyungsoo explained with a yawn. “Can I stay over?”

“Of course, we only have the couch, but I can go get some blankets and stuff.”

“Thanks Luhan. For everything.” The two exchanged warm smiles as Luhan left the room.

 

* * *

 

“Kyungsoo, hey Soo, wake up.” Kyungsoo wasn’t quite sure what was happening but he could feel something gently shaking him into consciousness. “Kyungsooooo, Jongin’s on his way. With that friend of his.”

Kyungsoo sat up slowly, raising his arms above his head with a yawn. He could already tell that his hair was a mess, he felt it in his soul. After lifting a hand to his head, he wasn’t disappointed, his fingers finding what seemed to be a bird’s nest. Luhan had already turned and was headed towards the kitchen, probably going to make coffee or something. “Ah crap. Lu, can I borrow your hairbrush?” He called out.

“Sure.” He heard Luhan reply from across the room.

 

After making himself look decent as quickly as he could, he sat down at the kitchen table, across from Luhan, and took the coffee mug into his hands. The digital clock on the sideboard read **11:28am**. It must’ve been about 7am when Kyungsoo had finally gotten to sleep, having spent most of the night trying to ignore the writhing pain and anxiety in his guts. “Feeling any better?” Luhan asked tentatively. Kyungsoo always appreciated it when Luhan was cautious of his feelings, it felt nice to have someone looking out for him. It felt safe.

“Yeah, I guess. Mostly thanks to you.” He took a sip of his coffee and studied the design on the tablecloth. He used to count all the polkadots on his tablecloth at home as a kid, at least once a week, it had become a habit of his. It annoyed his mother but she let him do it because it put him at ease. While in mid-thought, the buzzer rang out and Luhan mumbled a quick “I’ll get it” before getting up to open the door. Kyungsoo heard Luhan speak into the intercom, listening out to see if he could figure out who it was, which was answered quickly enough.

“Jongin and his friend are on their way up. It’s a shame Sehun’s gone to work already, he’d probably have wanted to chat to Jongin.” Luhan told him as he took his seat back at the table. In a matter of moments, the front door opened and in walked Taemin, panting and sweaty, followed by Jongin who was in a similar state. “Haha, beat ya! Loser!”

“Did you two literally race up the stairs? Are you 5?” Kyungsoo asked, quirking a brow.

“7 I’ll have you know.” Jongin huffed as he tried to catch his breath, wiping the sweat from his brow.

“You guys sit down and I’ll make you some coffee.” Luhan ushered the two to the kitchen table and Kyungsoo shuffled over to make room for another chair. Luhan returned with a café latte and black coffee in hand, placing them on the table. “I remembered your orders.” He added as he took his seat.

“Thanks!” Taemin beamed before frowning a little. “Hang on, Jongin, okay I’ve been wondering this for a while now. Why do you keep ordering black coffee? I swear you hate coffee?” He asked, looking up at his friend. Kyungsoo and Luhan raised their eyebrows in surprise and looked at him too.

“You hate coffee?” Kyungsoo asked, puzzled. Jongin’s cheeks started to turn pink and he looked down at his hands. “Umm… Well, you see, I uh, when I went into your cafe for the first time, there was this deal on where you’d get a free croissant with a cup of coffee and I wanted the croissant. And I didn’t know what to order so I ordered a black coffee. And I kept coming back because… because… that doesn’t matter, anyway, I got into the habit of ordering black coffee but no. I admit. I don’t actually like coffee. I’m a fake coffee lover, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” He looked legitimately ashamed and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re so cute. Why didn’t you just order a tea or something? Nobody would’ve judged you for disliking coffee, even if it is a coffee shop.”

“Uh, well, I dunno. I felt like coffee made me seem more grunge and hip? You always see those cool, suave guys in movies ordering black coffee, so I figured...” Jongin explained with an embarrassed smile.

“Oh my God I cannot believe I know you.” Taemin sighed, covering his face with both hands. The four of them talked for a while, Jongin exchanging his coffee for a glass of juice. Once they were done, Kyungsoo, Jongin and Taemin said their thanks and goodbyes to Luhan and headed to Jongin’s car.

“So Taemin where d’you want me to drop you?” Jongin asked, lifting his arms above his head to stretch. Kyungsoo noted that this car was in fact different to the one he was used to, it looked a little less expensive, and had four seats instead of two.

“Just drop me by the dance studio, I’ve got to finish off the last bit of latest choreo. As much as I want to go home and sleep, the dance won't finish itself.” He said as he slid into the passenger seat. Kyungsoo sat in the back, absentmindedly fiddling with his hands as he listened to the two in front talk. He learned that Taemin had a dance partner called Kibum who he loved to annoy the shit out of, and that Hyoyeon was also a dancer. It was like they had their own little dancing crew. He really should go visit the studio more and watch them dance.

Eventually they arrived and Taemin got out, ruffling Jongin’s hair (much to his dislike) and shooting Kyungsoo a peace sign. Once he’d left, Kyungsoo scrambled up front into the passenger seat and sighed, leaning his head back. He hadn’t slept all that well and was beginning to feel a headache coming on. Jongin looked over at him with concern. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry. Just didn’t sleep too well.” Kyungsoo shrugged. Jongin nodded and started up the car again. “So, where are we going?” Kyungsoo asked, leaning against the window, enjoying the sensation of the cool glass against his skin. “I’m taking you out for lunch and then we can either go see a movie or we can go back to mine and finish that drama. It’s up to you really.”

Kyungsoo smiled to himself and glanced over at Jongin, who was focused on the road. “You don’t have to pay for me, I’m perfectly capable of paying for myself.”

Jongin grinned. “Yes but I want to pay for you. Y’know, since you’ve been giving me and Taemin discounts at the cafe.”

“Okay but isn’t paying something you do on dates?” Kyungsoo lifted a brow. Jongin’s face started to turn a light shade of pink. “No, of course not. I mean, it can be, but it can also just be something friends do for each other. I pay for Taemin sometimes, it doesn’t have to mean anything, why make it mean anything.”

Kyungsoo had noticed that Jongin seemed to dodge the relationship bullet faster than anybody he’d ever seen. He knew Jongin wasn’t a fan of dating and stuff, but even when Kyungsoo had tried to talk to him about Luhan and Sehun he’d just pretended to gag before changing the topic. In all honesty, he seemed pretty romance-repulsed, and Kyungsoo couldn’t really blame him. He was the same way with sex.

Kyungsoo felt his phone buzz and stiffened. He rested his hand above the bulge in his pocket as it vibrated again. It was probably just Luhan or something. Maybe Jongdae. He would check it later, way later.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re acting kinda…weird.”

Kyungsoo snapped his head towards Jongin and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good don’t worry. J-Just thinking about what’ll happen when Kris finally notices I’ve been giving Taemin discounts every day.”

Jongin chuckled and continued to drive.

 

* * *

  

“Are you serious? He just _said_ that to you? How did you reply?!” The two were currently in the midst of an interesting conversation over lunch when Jongin’s phone went off. “Ugh sorry, let me take this.” He excused himself and got up to find somewhere quieter. Kyungsoo poured himself another glass of water and fiddled with his napkin. He’d been feeling somewhat uneasy all day and couldn’t seem to keep his hands still. He got out his phone to text Luhan and noticed all the notifications on his screen from the same unknown number as before.

**(13) New Messages**

Kyungsoo could feel his hands shaking as he hesitantly tapped on his inbox and read through the messages. The first few were letting Kyungsoo know he was in town, then they started asking if he’d even received the texts or if he was ignoring them, then a couple that sounded a tiny bit threatening, a few begging to meet up and the last one (and this really got Kyungsoo): an apology. An apology, from Park Chanyeol. Chanyeol never apologised for anything, it wasn’t his style, so this was very strange. He read the message again.

**Okay Kyungsoo, look. I know weve had our differences in the past, but I really want to see you. I miss you. Lifes been sooo boring without you here and I have some things I want to say to you. Im sorry, okay? Im sorry about how I treated you. Ive changed now, I swear, Im better than I used to be. Please give me another chance. I understand if you never want to see me again, I really do, I was a dick. But if you want to hear what I have to say then meet me at that cafe near the junction by your house at 3pm. Its the brown one, with the big chalk board outside, you cant miss it. If you come, and you still never want to see me again, then Ill respect that and leave you alone forever. Your choice. I hope you come. - Chanyeol xx**

Kyungsoo was practically shaking. Was it just a coincidence that Chanyeol was talking about the cafe where he worked or had he found out deliberately?! He wouldn’t put it past Chanyeol to dig around and find out where he was employed, especiallyconsidering he figured out where Kyungsoo  _fucking lived_. The most pressing question now was; would he go? He liked the idea of Chanyeol leaving him alone forever but he wasn’t sure that he could face talking to Chanyeol again.

“Sorry about that.” Came Jongin’s voice as he sat back down across from Kyungsoo, a perky smile on his face. Kyungsoo forced himself to smile at his friend. “No problem.” He assured him as he took another sip of his water. “You still haven’t decided by the way, my house or the cinema?”

Kyungsoo looked down at his lap. He peered at his watch. **2:17pm**. If he was going to see Chanyeol, he wouldn’t have time for either. “Uhm, actually, Jongin, I really appreciate the offer but I have some other stuff I’ve got to do. Y’know, like, chores and stuff.” He explained, avoiding Jongin’s line of sight.

Jongin looked disappointed for a moment before smiling again. “Oh, well, okay then. Maybe another day.”

“Yeah that sounds good.” Kyungsoo nodded. The two split the bill (after a brief argument over whether or not Kyungsoo should pay, which Kyungsoo eventually won) and headed back to Jongin’s car. “Do you need me to drop you anywhere?” Jongin inquired as he pulled the car door open.

“Just my house, thanks.”

The car journey was quiet and had a slightly more awkward feel than normal, but it was bearable. If Kyungsoo got home by 2:40pm he could make it to the cafe on time. He was still in two minds about going. The idea of seeing Chanyeol made him feel sick, but what if he came back to the coffee shop while Kyungsoo was at work? At least this way he’d have Chanyeol’s agreement never to show his face again.

“What’s up with you? You’ve been acting strange all day.” Jongin said, eyes fixed on the road.

“Nothing, doesn’t matter. I’m just tired.” Kyungsoo mumbled, gazing out the window as they passed shop after shop. They finally got to Kyungsoo’s apartment and he checked his watch, which told him he still had a good 23 minutes to get to the cafe. He unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to Jongin. “Thanks for lunch and the ride, it was really fun. Let’s make sure to watch that movie some other time.” Jongin smiled back at him with that cute little eye-smile he did and with that Kyungsoo got out of the car and walked into his building. He stood still in the small foyer as he waited for Jongin to drive off, before stepping back outside and leaving in the direction of the coffee shop.

 

* * *

 

He got there just a few minutes before 3:00pm and peered through the window, searching for Chanyeol. He almost thought Chanyeol hadn’t shown up, and felt a wave of relief wash through him, until his eyes fell on the man in the far corner, engrossed in his phone. He didn’t look too different, the same wavy brown hair and large ears, but no glasses this time. Must’ve got contacts or something. Kyungsoo felt a mixture of emotions. He felt the anxiety building up in his stomach and the small sense of fear and dread that lined his throat, causing him to choke up a little. But at the same time, Chanyeol’s face meant familiarity, it meant home, and it wasn’t feeling as awful as he’d thought it would. He took a deep breath and steadied himself. “Come on Kyungsoo, you can do this. Once more and then never again.”

And with that he pushed the door open. The bell sounded but Chanyeol didn’t look up. Kyungsoo vaguely recognised the people on shift, he’d seen them a couple of times, but they’d never been formally introduced since their shifts never overlapped. He thought maybe one of them was called Jessica? All he knew was that she was pretty and kept to herself a lot. And that Kris seemed to like her. Or at least that’s what he’d heard from Minseok anyway. He slowly made his way over to Chanyeol’s table. Nobody even batted an eyelash in his direction, why was he so Goddamn nervous? He got close enough to Chanyeol’s table and took another deep inhale before coughing awkwardly. Chanyeol looked up and his face broke into a huge, beaming grin.

“Kyungsoo!” He exclaimed, standing up and pulling the shorter into a hug. Kyungsoo was at a loss for words so just let the giant wrap his arms around him. Was he even taller now? He smelled the same, except the stench of alcohol seemed to be at a minimum. Maybe he had changed? Maybe Kyungsoo had imagined him to be worse than he really was? He’d been away for a while now, he could’ve forgotten?

“H-Hi Chanyeol…” Kyungsoo said, pulling away with slight discomfort. Chanyeol picked up on this and stepped back, taking his seat again.

“Sorry about the hug, you’re just so… huggable. And I missed you.” He told him, locking his phone and putting it in his pocket. Kyungsoo took the seat opposite him and kept his hands in his lap. “So… I have to ask... How the hell did you find me?”

 

* * *

 

“I didn’t notice him acting weird.” Taemin shrugged as he lapped at his ice cream. Jongin sighed.

“Yeah but you don’t know him as well as I do. He seemed distracted. I don’t know, maybe I’m looking too far into this. He was probably just tired.” He looked down blankly at the ice cream in his hand.

“Go on dude, eat it. That’s the first sweet I’ve seen you with in months. You used to love sweet stuff but you rarely eat it now. In fact you’re losing weight, you’re starting to look like that lanky string bean from High School again.” Jongin rolled his eyes.

“You can drop the nickname thanks, I told you I don’t like it. I didn’t, and still don’t, look like a string bean.”

After dropping Kyungsoo off, Jongin went to go get Taemin and they’d gone out to grab some ice cream and go for a walk. The two were strolling down the pavement, absentmindedly headed to the coffee shop, since that’s where they usually went. “I still can’t believe you became friends with Kyungsoo by randomly giving him your number on a napkin.” Taemin scoffed through a mouthful of ice cream. He proceeded to start himself on a rant about the different flavours of ice cream and why there's no point making fruit ice cream when you could just have sorbet. Jongin was half listening, mostly paying attention to the items in the shop windows. They arrived at the coffee shop and Taemin headed to the door before Jongin reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Woah, woah, woah, wait dude.” He said, squinting as he glared through the window. “What the hell? Is that Kyungsoo?” He asked, studying the pair of guys sat near the back. Taemin looked in with narrowed eyes too. “Hm, I guess it is. Who’s that he’s with? Anyone you know?”

Jongin shook his head. “Nope. I’ve never seen him before. Why is Kyungsoo hanging out with him?”

“Wow, well somebody sounds a little jealous.” Taemin taunted him. “I’m not jealous, you dickwad. I’m just wondering why Kyungsoo lied to me... He told me he needed to do chores today, like grocery shopping, not meet up with some guy. I don’t know about you but that man doesn’t look like a bag of carrots to me.”

“Calm down Jongin, I don’t know why he lied but I’m sure he had his reasons. Maybe he didn’t want you to think he’d picked hanging out with another person over you.”

“Way to make me feel better, dude.”

Taemin laughed and swung an arm around Jongin’s shoulders. “Look, Kyungsoo has a social life outside of you, and he’s allowed to hang out with other people. You can meet up with him tomorrow, it’s not a big deal. Now let’s either go back to mine or back to the studio. Your ice cream is melting by the way.”

“I never said he couldn’t hang out with other people…” Jongin grumbled as he licked up the droplets of ice cream that had made it to his hand. And with that, the two headed back to the dance studio.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter was so shit!! i wrote it at like. 5am. over the course of many days. so its very poorly written and a bit all over the place... i might clean it up a bit some point soon but yeah here u go!
> 
> also thank u for the feedback, any kind of positive feedback makes me want to keep posting so i really appreciate it! and ik chanyeol isnt actually a bad guy but ive decided to basically make him the antagonist of this fic hehe
> 
> thanks for all your patience, hopefully the next chapt will be up quicker~~


	6. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo makes a decision and Jongin's jealousy is back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! thanks for being patient, i still hate this chapter and the way its written, but i hope you find it less bad than i do!! btw i proof read at like 2am so sorry for any mistakes
> 
> Warnings: creepy behaviour from Chanyeol basically

“It’s a long story actually, it was sort of an accident.” Chanyeol shrugged. Kyungsoo folded his arms.

“I’ve got a while.”

“Well okay so you know Joonmyun?”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Yes, I remember one of my best friends, thanks.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm, he really wasn't in the mood for this.

“You know how he moved to Canada for a while?” Kyungsoo nodded.

“Well basically, while he was there he said he met this guy, he had a few names, but he mostly went by Kris or Kevin. And they became friends and they’re still in touch. And whaddya know? One day they’re drinking and talking about work and Kris randomly starts talking about how he’s glad he hired attractive baristas ‘cause they bring in more customers. And then he says one of them’s also got a really good singing voice and he performs sometimes, his employee Kyungsoo. And obviously Joonmyun tells him that he knew a guy called Do Kyungsoo back in the day. And of course Kris says that this guy is also a Do Kyungsoo. Joonmyun told me the story and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was really you. So I looked into it. Your mother was reluctant to talk to me but she told me you moved not too far away, and now you were living in a city. So naturally I asked Joonmyun where Kris worked and he told me. And here I am. Tada!”

Kyungsoo's eyes remained fixed on Chanyeol, his fists clenched. "How did you get my number?"

"I asked Kris, of course. He was suspicious at first but I told him I was a friend of Joonmyun and I was interested in hiring you for a gig. It took a while but he caved." Chanyeol smirked like he was some genius. Kyungsoo swallowed and looked away, just to stop himself from punching the shit out of Chanyeol. When he felt ready, he looked up, teeth gritted. He could feel himself getting slightly light headed.

"Why do you think I left?" Is all he said. He left the question open and folded his arms, leaning back into his chair, eyes staring daggers into Chanyeol’s face. He watched as his ex's face distorted, confusion evident.

"Huh? What?"

"Why." Kyungsoo all but spat. "Why the fuck do you think I left Chanyeol? Why did I move away?!"

Chanyeol looked down at his lap, a flash of guilt flickering across his face, but it'd gone before Kyungsoo had time to register it properly.

"I dunno. You never said." He sounded like a small, innocent child being reprimanded, not a fully grown man who was fully aware of what he had done. This was different, this was a different Chanyeol to the one who was talking with a smug smile on his face just moments ago. Kyungsoo let out a sigh and rubbed at his eyes, trying to wish the situation away.

"Nevermind. You do realise how creepy this was though, right? You tracked me down, Chanyeol. You found where I lived and my even found my freaking phone number."

"I know." Chanyeol kept his eyes glued to his lap. "And I' sorry, I just- I just really needed to see you, Soo."

Kyungsoo's skin crawled at the familiar nickname spoken by the familiar voice, but he shook it off for the time being. 

"Why?" 

"Because... Because my mother died. And nobody was there for me. Baekhyun's gone, you're gone, Joonmyun is gone. Nobody else is an actual friend. I’m alone and I don’t have anyone."

Kyungsoo felt something pang in his chest but refused to indulge Chanyeol fully. He didn’t deserve it. "I'm sorry about that Chanyeol, I am. She was a wonderful lady... What happened to Baek?" He asked quietly.

"He got into a good University. Nothing particularly tragic, he just left. Kind of like you. Except he actually said goodbye."

Kyungsoo swallowed and looked down at the table cloth. He felt guilty, he felt selfish. It’s true that he’d left them behind without even a notice, he'd just up and disappeared. The only one who knew was his mother. Maybe… Maybe Chanyeol had needed him more than he’d thought before.

“Look Kyungsoo, it doesn’t matter, I just want to start over. I want us to go back to being friends…” He dropped the ‘or maybe more’ but Kyungsoo could hear the implication. He was never going back to dating Chanyeol- ever. But maybe they  _could_  be friends again? If Chanyeol had truly changed, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad?

“Where are you living now?” Kyungsoo asked, looking up to make eye contact. Chanyeol smiled sadly at him, relief washing over.

“I’m staying at a relative's place on the other side of town. I’m just looking after it for a month or two while he’s away, and then I’m back to the hometown.”

Kyungsoo sighed and thought over his options. Option 1: He turns Chanyeol down right now and ends this before it can start again. Option 2: He gives Chanyeol a chance. He never, ever thought he’d even consider option 2 again but could it really hurt that much? He’d make sure to keep his distance, and it was only temporary.

“Chanyeol. You’ve hurt me, okay? And you can’t expect me to get over that straight away. But I’m willing to try. But this is on my terms, alright? No showing up at my house out of the blue or anything.”

Chanyeol broke into a wide grin and held his hands up in promise. “No showing up out of the blue, got it. Thank you so much Soo, God, thank you. Thank you.” Kyungsoo smiled softly, a melancholy smile, and leant back in his chair.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few days, Kyungsoo was really struggling to get in contact with Jongin. He couldn’t figure out why, he knew the other wasn’t away, but he never seemed to be around. He hadn’t even come to the coffee shop which was… odd to say the least. Taemin had shown up but didn’t seem to have much insight into where Jongin was or what he was doing.

“Do you think he’s avoiding me?” Kyungsoo pondered aloud to Luhan as the other scrubbed the dish in their hands. Luhan shrugged. “I guess he could be, but he’d need a reason. Did you get into a fight?”

Kyungsoo scrunched up his face. “Not that I can remember. It’s really frustrating, I need some way to wind down now that Chanyeol’s back in my life.”

Luhan scoffed. “I still can’t believe you did that. He steps one foot out of line and I’ll snap his freaking neck.”

Kyungsoo chuckled but looked back down at the phone in his hand. So many texts, so few replies. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out what was going on. He’d asked Jongin out to the movies, asked if he wanted to come over for dinner and a drama marathon, but nothing. Just white noise. 

"Kyungsoo, phone away." Kris reminded his employee as he exited the men's bathroom and headed back to his office. Kyungsoo groaned but put his phone back and went to help Luhan with the tidying.

 

* * *

 

Jongin sighed as he heard a knock at his front door. Grumbling, he pulled himself away from the sofa, and over to check who the hell was ruining his peace and quiet. “Who is it?” He called out.

“The best dancer you know!” He heard back. Taemin. Who else would it’ve been?

He begrudgingly opened the door and glared at his best friend, who stood before him fully dressed.

“We need to talk. Now.” He told him sternly, arms folded. And that’s how the two of them end up sitting across from each other on the couch, mugs of tea in their hands.

“You can’t keep ignoring him Jongin, he’s done nothing wrong.”

“I know that. I’m not deliberately ignoring him. I’ve just been tired recently.” Jongin lied, looking away and sipping his drink.

“That’s bullshit and we both know it. He asked me about you the other day. I can only cover for your ass for so long. I think you’re starting to worry him. You guys have seen each other almost daily for so long he’s having withdrawal symptoms.”

Jongin rolled his eyes and slumped even more, not wanting to have this conversation. Why did Taemin always have to do this? Get involved in his business?

“Are you still pissed about him having other friends? Jesus Jongin, get yourself together. You aren’t dating. He’s allowed other friends, or a significant other. Not everybody is as anti-romance as you, maybe he got a boyfriend and didn’t tell you to spare you the details?”

Jongin shifted uncomfortably. “I know he’s allowed other friends, that’s not the problem. Christ I don’t even know what the problem is! I just- I just feel kind of protective is all. I don’t know why and I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”

Taemin sighed but looked at his friend pitifully. “Are you sure you don’t have a crush on him? I wouldn’t be surprised at this point.”

Jongin feigned gagging. “Me? A crush? Never. But I do like him more than I tend to like other people.” Taemin took mock offence at that. “Is my position of best friend suddenly up for grabs? How dare you.”

Jongin chuckled and kicked Taemin lightly in the chest. “Shut up.”

“It’s not a best friend thing. I can’t describe it. I just really, really like hanging out with him? Like, seeing him just makes me really happy. I know it’s not romantic though, gross.”

“Okay well, either way, stop ignoring him and send him a text or something. How would you feel if it were the other way around?”

Jongin groaned but eventually agreed to contact Kyungsoo.

“Fine, I’ll send him a damn text. Happy?”

Jongin took out his phone and sent Kyungsoo a message saying he wanted to meet up soon. As he was typing he felt Taemin wriggling about in his seat, trying to get comfy. “So, Jongin.. How’s ballet going?” He inquired, studying his friend from afar. Jongin stopped momentarily before continuing to type.

“Alright.”

Taemin frowned a little. “Have you been eating okay? Please don’t tell me you’ve been pulling that ‘one-meal-a-day-in-the-middle-of-the-night’ shit again? You know that’s not healthy-”

“I said alright. It’s fine Taemin, I’m fine. I can look after myself.” Taemin didn’t seem to take his word for it but he shut up, leaving Jongin to continue typing. He couldn't be bothered to deal with a defensive Jongin this early in the day.

 

* * *

 

Jongin dropped by the cafe the next day, just as Kyungsoo was finishing his shift.

“So do you wanna have Chinese takeout at mine?” He asked the other as he finished trading positions with Minseok. Kyungsoo had been tempted to question the sudden leave of absence but decided against it. He didn’t want to make things awkward and just assumed Jongin had a good reason. The two of them spent the afternoon finding a good movie to watch, getting bubble tea and pissing about in clothing shops, before buying some chinese takeout and heading back to Jongin’s. Kyungsoo still wasn’t quite use to how fancy Jongin’s apartment was. It seemed bigger and bigger every time he visited and he always felt nervous when he saw any of the other residents of Jongin’s building (usually fairly elderly and wealthy looking). Not to mention the cream carpet, he'd had  _nightmares_ about spilling soup on that.

Once he’d sunk into the cushy pillows of Jongin’s sofa, however, all that nervousness seemed to slip away. He finished laughing at one of Jongin’s stupid jokes and reclined, smiling up at the ceiling. “So how’s life going? I haven’t seen your dancing in a while. Everything good?” He called out as Jongin dished out their meal.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s... okay. I’m a bit stuck with the choreo but I’ll work it out.” Kyungsoo twisted his head to look up at Jongin.

“You sure? You can talk to me if you’re struggling with it.” He explained with concern. “No offense Soo, but I don’t really want to talk about work right now.” Jongin told him as he set the two bowls down on the coffee table. “What about you? Anything new in your life?” He asked, a knowing tone to his voice.

“Uhh, not really, pretty much the same old stuff.” Kyungsoo lied.

“Really, huh. So… no new people or anything?”

Kyungsoo frowned and sat up. “Sorry, do you know something? Why are you acting like I’m keeping something from you? You seem suspicious.”

“Why  _are_  you keeping something from me?”

“I’m not keeping anything from you! What are you even talking about?”

Jongin bites his lip and hesitates. “The other day, when you ditched me for ‘stuff’, I saw you in the cafe with some guy. Look, if you have a boyfriend or something, that’s cool but I hate it when my friends keep secrets from me and-”

“Woah, woah, woah. Hold up. You mean Chanyeol? He’s definitely _not_ my boyfriend! And even if he was, why do you care? I don’t have to tell you anything. I have a life outside of watching TV at your house, you know?” Kyungsoo got defensive, crossing his arms, awaiting a response.

"That doesn't mean you can lie to my face! We need to be able to trust and communicate with each other, I can't be around people who make me paranoid!"

"Oh you're so full of shit, that's not what's bugging you and you know it. Are you saying you've never lied to avoid telling people personal things? Things that don't involve them?"

“I-I… Fuck, it doesn’t even matter okay? I just don’t like the fact that you lied to my face. You’re allowed to have other friends! And if it's something you don't want to talk about, I wouldn’t get mad, just be honest with me? I'm sick of everybody lying to me!”

Kyungsoo bit his lips and felt tears well in his eyes. God, why was he like this? “I’m sorry.” He apologised, hanging his head with guilt. “I didn’t mean to lie to you. I just didn’t want you to think somebody else was more of a priority to me. I don't want you getting mixed up in my personal business.” Something about that made Jongin feel like a stranger to Kyungsoo, but he got up to sit down next to him anyway, running a hand through the other's hair.

“Don’t worry about it. Let's just not talk about it." He whispered soothingly. Kyungsoo could feel the sobs bubbling up in his throat. All he could think about was everything Chanyeol had done to him and how oblivious Jongin was about the whole situation. He didn't know  _anything_ because Kyungsoo refused to tell him, yet he still cared. Kyungsoo wasn't used to people caring about him like this.

His head fell into his hands and his body started to shake, leaving Jongin somewhat taken aback. He didn’t know what to do, he really wasn’t expecting Kyungsoo to react like that. “Oh, fuck, er are you okay? No of course you’re not… Jus- Wait here.” He instructed his friend as he dashed for the bathroom to get tissues. Once he returned, he dumped the tissues on the table and swept Kyungsoo into a hug. He petted his hair and whispered into his ear as he felt tears staining the shoulder of his shirt, but he was too concerned to care. “Don’t worry, don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you.” He whispered to Kyungsoo, whose breathing had become rough and strangled. Kyungsoo gripped his sleeve and eventually calmed down, nuzzling his head into the nook of Jongin’s neck.

“M’sorry, m'sorry.” He repeated the phrase over and over, sniffles punctuating his words every few seconds.

"Don't be."

"I'm sorry." 

* * *

 

Later they were curled up in Jongin’s bed, Kyungsoo facing away, Jongin’s arms wrapped tightly around him. “Are you feeling better?” He whispered into the nape of Kyungsoo's neck, so softly it was almost inaudible. Kyungsoo closed his eyes but nodded. “Do you feel up to telling me about it?” Jongin continued, making sure to be gentle. Kyungsoo thought it over. He felt like he owed Jongin at least a brief explanation after everything he'd done.

“It’s about Chanyeol. You know the shitty ex I told you about?” Jongin nodded slowly, the pieces finally starting to fit into place. “Yeah, well that guy in the cafe was him. He found me and wants to be friends again, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him no.”

“Oh…” Jongin trailed off, not sure how to respond. “You don’t owe him anything you know?” He reminded him. Kyungsoo nodded. “I know, I know, but he seems different. I want to give him a chance, ok?” Jongin understood. “Fine, but if he pulls anything, just let me know. I don’t want any of my friends getting hurt.”

"Thank you, Jongin". Kyungsoo whispered under his breath.

They lay in bed together for almost an hour before Jongin noticed Kyungsoo drift off, his heart-shaped lips slightly parted, and shadows cast across his cheeks by his long eyelashes. He looked so peaceful and calm like this, not like somebody who had been crying violently not too long ago. Jongin felt something stir in his chest, and it was a strange and unusual feeling. He rarely felt an intense desire to protect someone like he did with Kyungsoo. He’d had very close friends, who he felt a similar way about, but this was different. This wasn’t... a crush, right? There’s no way in hell Jongin would let Taemin be right about this. Besides, the idea of romance still grossed him out, so there must be another explanation. Was definitely another explanation, maybe.

He pulled himself out of the bed and over to his en-suite bathroom to brush his teeth, before slipping into something more comfortable. He gazed back at Kyungsoo, who had only shifted slightly, and smiled to himself. Jongin, once back in bed, gently placed an arm over Kyungsoo’s waist and lay, eyes shut, until he dozed off.

 

* * *

 

The next morning he woke up to something vibrating from under his pillow. Groaning, he sat up and turned off the alarm on his phone, suddenly remembering the other presence in his bed. Kyungsoo had somehow ended up with just the tip of his hair sticking out from under the duvet, and honestly? It was freaking adorable. Jongin didn’t want to wake him up yet, it was only 7am, but he had to head to the dance studio and he wasn’t sure about leaving Kyungsoo by himself…

There was only really one thing he could do. Kyungsoo was far too old for babysitters but desperate situations call for desperate measures.

About 20 minutes later there was a knock at his door and he rushed over, one shoe on, towel drying his hair as he went. He pulled it open and grinned. “Hey Hyo, thank you so much! You don’t understand what this means to me.”

“No problem Jongin, what are friends for? Well, usually not daycare I guess, but it’s cool.” She laughed, dumping her belongings on the sofa like she owned the place.

“He’s in the bedroom, I’ve gotta go now, just keep an eye on him. If he wakes up and asks where I am just tell him I’m dancing for next week's food budget, and I’ll be done by 3.”

“Next week’s food budget? Hang on, your parents cut you off again?” Hyoyeon’s brows furrowed and she folded her arms earnestly. Jongin sighed and nodded as he grabbed his other shoe. “Fuck, Jongin, what happened?”

“They’re just going through another ‘we hate the fact our sons a dancer not a dentist’ phase. It’s not a big deal, Hyoyeon, seriously. I have enough to get me by.” He told her, voice quiet. Just as Hyoyeon was about to reply, Jongin’s phone buzzed.

“Shit, if Yixing gets there before me, he’s gonna steal my spot in the new choreo. Sorry, I really have to go. I’ll see you later, look after him for me!” He yelled as he yanked his keys out of their dish and all but teleported through the front door. Hyoyeon sighed to herself and shook her head. Why was he always like that? Putting other people before himself.

She toed her ballet pumps off and slowly made her way to Jongin’s room, where Kyungsoo was presumably asleep. She spotted him lying in the centre of the bed, the covers bunched around him, full-on fetal position. It was almost pitiful if she was being honest. She couldn’t help feel a little jealous though. Whenever she’d stayed over, Jongin had always made her sleep on the couch- or a pull out mattress- never in his bed. What was up with him and Kyungsoo? Were they dating or something? Jongin didn’t seem like the type, but it would explain his lack of interest in her…

She tiptoed back down the stairs (knocking the umbrella stand over as she went) and got herself a drink. As she reclined on the sofa ready to watch some TV, she noticed Kyungsoo’s coat hung up on the coat rack, his bag just below it on the floor. It peaked her interest and she waltzed over to it (avoiding the books scattered across the floor) picking it up. Would it be bad if she just checked to make sure it was Kyungsoo’s? After unzipping it, she found some keys, a phone with a ton of missed calls, and a wallet. As she held it in her hands she debated over going through it. Would that be an invasion of privacy? What does someone keep in their wallet anyway? Probably just money, maybe some cards. And that’s exactly what she found. However, there was also a picture. It was of Kyungsoo and some guy. His face had been scribbled over with a biro and the edges of the photograph were frayed to hell. She leafed through his money, not at all interested in taking any, and discovered a folded napkin. Opening it she found a phone number and a message scrawled on it, clearly in Jongin’s handwriting.

“Huh…” She mumbled to herself, folding it back up and slipping it back into its place. A sudden voice from behind made her jump and the purse fell from her hands.

“What are you doing with my wallet?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... sorry its been so long ;A; i seem to write in chunks and then leave it for weeks before i write more... also school is picking up more now so idk how much time i'll have to write, but ill make sure to find time! im technically not allowed to drop this because my friend says she doesnt read unfinished fanfics

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction so I hope you like it! :o  
> Comments and constructive criticism are welcome but please don't be too harsh! I'm new to this :)  
> I have some ideas about how this fic is going to go but the rest of it is improv pretty much so we'll see where it ends I guess haha
> 
> also Im really fond of the headcanons ace!kyungsoo, grey-aromantic!jongin and genderfluid!luhan so I decided to include them in this :) If you have any insight or info you could give me regarding that to make the story better please do tell me! also please call me out if you find anything offensive 
> 
> Have a nice day!


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